Page 21 of No Right To Love You
“Ocean!” she yells again, and I turn to face her. “Baby… what happened?” she asks, and that insecurity tries to rear its ugly head.
The old me that didn’t have anyone in their corner. The one who had to fight all his own battles because no one else would dare stand up to do it. I acknowledged that no one would be able to heal the little boy inside of me, but all those thoughts fly out of the window when January takes my hands in hers. She kisses myknuckles, something that I wanted her to do the very first time she ever held my hands in hers and her eyes are glossed over with tears shed.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
“If I see that bastard around you again, I’m going to kill him.” I tell her and she nods.
She doesn’t even ask if I was wrong in what I did, instead she wraps her arms around me and hugs me tight.
“I love you, Ocean. Let’s leave.” she says with no hesitation because she knows that I don’t want to be here. This is the last place I can be in after this.
“Let me grab our jackets.” I say.
As I walk away, I think about our second chance at this. Even though nothing happened where we had to leave each other. I take this as the second chance that January and I are having. The chance to be together and change everything. The night she came over to my side of the house and sat there with me, not making me the villain in the story, healed me a little bit and she didn’t know it.
The little boy in me felt that I had no right to love anyone. That I had no right to be happy but now, as I take our jackets and I slip mine on then slip January’s on, I know that I have to remind him that this is our second chance.
The second chance to heal myself and be happy. We have the right to be loved and to love.
As for the mending with my father, I have no intentions but with my mother, I will slowly include her in my life but as long as he and her love each other…they never gave me a chance to feel safe, so I won’t ever give them another reason to push me to feel unsafe in my love. In my home. In me.
Chapter 16
January
As we walk outof the building and toward the town car, dad calls my name out. I know he’s angry but in this instance my husband comes first.
“January Ashley Evans!” Dad calls my name out and Ocean glares at him.
I place a hand over his chest. “I’ve got this, just get in the car.” I tell him. “Please.”
Ocean nods once. “Mr. Evans.”
“Son.” Dad greets Ocean.
I shake my head and try to control my eye rolling at my father when I turn to face him.
“Dad… what was that?”
“You mean what was that with Bernard and your husband? I told you that one day he would do this and look he did it.” Dad shakes his head and runs a hand over his bald head.
“Dad, please. I’m pretty sure he said something to Ocean. Ocean isn’t violent and has never gone out of its way to be that way.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course, I’m sure. He’s, my husband!” I shout and then I calm myself down. “Dad, you just, why do you do this? What doyou want from me and what have I not done that’s making you behave this way?”
“What do you mean?” He asks and I know he’s genuinely asking.
“This,” I point in between us. “I’ve been trying to make you happy for years, dad. Everything I have ever done was for you. Granted, I fell in love with being a lawyer when I went to school but that wasn’t enough for you. I graduated at the top of my class and even though you applauded me for it, you wanted me to give my blood, sweat and tears to the company. Which I did! I didn’t say no to you, and I pushed myself. Why can’t you ever be satisfied? Am I not enough for you, dad?” I ask and his face looks like I slapped him.
“What? What are you talking about?”
“You heard me.” I say, trying to wipe the tears that fell already.
“Why wouldn’t you be enough? I never said that.”
“But you didn’t act like it either. Do you even love me, dad?” I say in a small voice. “Have you ever loved me? I know I can’t say that you don’t love because you love my kids but your kid… Do you love her?”
