Page 54 of Caged Heart
"Okay, will do. Just give me some time for things to die down and to get some things settled after exams."
Dee smiled and then gave her goodbyes to both of us. Monica stood by me as we watched Dee head out of the cafeteria and back to work.
"I can't believe you just met your cousin again in all the random places. It had to be the hospital." Monica said as she wrapped her arm into mine.
"I know, right. So weird, but simultaneously, I'm grateful I saw her again. I'm glad I was wrong."
"Wrong about what?" She asked as we began making our way back to the boys.
"Wrong about everything involving dad's family. She lied to me, and I don't want to forgive her anymore. I'm so angry with her right now. There are so many questions in my head, Moni."
"Questions like what?"
"Did she do this on purpose, knowing she could isolate me from them, and then I'd have no choice but to take care of her? Did she make me feel this way? The feeling of inadequacy or like no one will ever truly love me? Why would she do this to me!" I whispered harshly as we entered the empty elevators. I reached out and punched the button for the private floors, it hurt like hell to hit the steel buttons, but there was a certain relief.
"People that are on something do shit that doesn't make sense. They don't simply just care, Carmi. They can't care. I'm sorry that your mother isolated you, but I need you to know you are loved. You've always been loved, Carmi. Always."
When Monica's words hit me, the tears started and didn't stop even when we were on the top floor where Ares and Mars were. I quickly wiped my tears away when I spotted Ares coming out of Mars's room, but of course, he saw, and there was nothing he could miss with me.
"I'm okay." I quickly said as he made his way to us.
Ares looked me over and then finally settled on my face.
"What happened? Who made you cry?"
"It's a long story but doesn't worry, I'll tell you. I just need a minute, and just give me a minute."
I knew that Ares would help and hold me if I wanted to cry, but I needed this moment to be strong. To take everything in about my mother. To rehash every memory of her being selfish and not caring about me. I needed to do this to finally let her go, and I had to exorcize her from my life. Right here and right now.
Chapter39
Ares
"Why is she crying?" I asked Monica as soon as Carmen turned down the hall.
"She just learned something new about her mother." Monica offered up.
"What happened?"
"She saw her cousin here, and I don't know how long they haven't seen each other, but her cousin told her they reached out wanting to speak to her," Monica said. "But her mother always said Carmen didn't want to speak to them, and she isolated her from people who probably could've helped her escape that situation."
"Why would she even do that shit to her? I mean, sure, I get it; she's got an addiction problem, but fuck, come on! That's your only child! I'm tired of shitty parents." I stated, and it was true. I was tired of that.
"Same. Hell, I feel for her, Ares, and think she will need you now more than ever before. She's finally accepting that her mother used her while she thought she was just helping her out."
Monica's words hit hard because, as kids, we do things thinking the outcome will be different. That a small thing that we do will change our parents' minds, but it changes nothing. They remained the shit that they were, and it's fucked up, but they chose to be that way.
Everything in life was about choices. No matter what it was, there was always a choice. Like now, I chose to believe my brother and put our shit aside because I believed what he said he did for me. We aren't pretending that the other is better, but we're also not pretending that we can function without the other.
Now, Carmen had to make a fucking choice. Was I mad at her? Fuck yeah, and was I going to do something drastic as shit? You bet your pretty ass I was going to. After nodding at Monica's information, I followed Carmen lengthening my strides. The thoughts in my head were so vivid that if I didn't have good reflexes, they would've knocked me right on my ass, but I was the damn captain of the hockey team.
Once I caught up to Carmen, her sniffles set me off, and I couldn't stop hurting her feelings.
"Why the fuck are you here in the corner cowering like you are the guilty party?" I asked as I turned her to face me.
"What?" Carmen asked as she wiped her tears away. She didn't look sad. Instead, she looked upset.
"You heard me! How many times will that woman play you, and you take it sitting down? When are you going to stand up for yourself, Carmen!"
