Page 50 of Caged Heart
When I first noticed Carmen's crush on me, I backed away. I pretended I didn't see it because, in the end, she would be hurt by me. Her pain of me not fully wanting her in the way that she needed me to would be greater if I initiated anything, so it wasn't something I pursued. She was beautiful, and she shined in ways other women didn't shine around me, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt her because then there was going to be self-hatred that followed. Maybe I did like her, maybe I was in love with her, I didn't know, but I just knew that if I ever showed her all of this… this side of me, she wouldn't have accepted me. She would've run for the hills.
The thought that I had to face the two, especially Monica, who was nothing but good to me, hurt me. We knew of her past because she shared it with us, but how could she ever look at me again? The man who ripped off her clothes because he was told to? How could she ever forgive me and see a friend? All I added was more trauma to her healing progress. Fuck, I'll never forgive myself for this. How could I when I don't deserve it at all?
Oh hell, what have I done to my best girls?
Chapter36
Carmen
There were no words exchanged as Ares let go of Mars. My heart shattered into more pieces as I finally looked at him. Yes, I crushed on him, but this was more than that. I wanted to comfort him as someone who cared about him, but I didn't want to make either man uncomfortable.
Monica stepped up first and kneeled on the ground where Mars was. She didn't say anything. Instead, she pulled him into the hug she had given Ares earlier.
"Thank you, Mars. Thank you for protecting me." Monica said, and that broke everything as I teared up some more.
I couldn't take it as I turned away from the two hugging each other. Why couldn't all families be this forgiving? This beautiful in hugging each other through the bad times?
The emotions that I felt stirred within me as I faced them again. Mars's eyes were on me, and I saw him for the first time in my life. I saw the real him and his emotions. It shook me to my core, and I knew then that Mars didn't simply know about my crush. He felt the same way but refused. Refused me.
I shook it off as I walked closer and knelt down where Monica was.
"I'm so happy to see you." My words were barely above a whisper as I stared into eyes that I now noticed for the first time in my life.
He and Ares were alike, not just as twins but with the emotions that swam in their eyes. Mars's light brown eyes held green flecks, while Ares's light green eyes held brown flecks. Images of each other are yet opposite; different in more ways but similar in what they delivered to those they cared about.
Mars tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders. "I'm just happy you two are okay. I would do anything for you." He whispered.
"Can I touch you?" I asked, just as I asked Ares.
Mars smirked, and it reminded me of him before all of this. Before seeing that, he was just as hurt and scarred as Ares.
"Sure," Mars answered.
I turned to look at Ares, who stood on the side not too far from us. "Can I touch him?" I asked.
There were too many toes and issues for me to step on, and I just wanted all of us to be okay. At the end of it all, I loved Ares, and I respected him when he didn't want me to have anything to do with Mars before.
"Yeah, Goldilocks, you can. He gave you his permission."
"Thank you," I said to him and Mars as well.
As I reached out to touch his face, my hands trembled at how beat up he still looked. The bandage over his head that had stopped the bleeding, the cuts taken care of by the nurses, and the slight old wounds peppered on his arms since I couldn't see his entire body.
My tears fell down my face.
"Don't cry for me, sweet Carmi, please don't." He said to me as he reached out, touching my face as well.
I'd never been caressed like this before, Ares, but now Mars was doing it, and it freaked me out. Not to where I wanted to run away but where I wanted to run to him. In his arms, I didn't understand this feeling or sensation.
"Why don't you want any of us to, Mars? We care about you, and all of us do. Let us cry for you if you can't cry for yourself."
"A pretty girl like you shouldn't ever have to cry for me, for us." Mars wiped my tears away as he looked at Ares.
Because of my position, I couldn't look at Ares, but given the expression in Mars's eyes, Ares wasn't upset at his wording.
"My pretty girl," Mars said, and I gasped because my body reacted to him. It came alive just as it always did when Ares said it to me.
Ares had never called me that in front of Mars before, but somehow they both knew what to call me to reach a certain part of me.
