Page 24 of Caged Heart
Before I could tell him it was fine, he stood up and walked out to his car.
After Ares returned, I went to the bathroom and slipped them underneath my skirt. They're so damned comfortable.
When I returned to the table, Ares was smiling at something on his phone, making me wonder if this 30-day thing was exclusive or if we could hunch on whoever we wanted.
"Whatever you're thinking, it's a no."
"What? You read minds now?"
Ares smirked and looked up at me. "No, but I know facial expressions, and yours is telling me you're thinking something that could be asked, and the answer would be no."
"Fine, will these be just us two, or can we hoo—."
"No."
"No to what?"
"No to it being more than just us two. You fuck my brother, and I'll kill him."
"Why?"
"There are so many answers to that question, but it's a no for now."
I chuckled, trying to not be awkward with the waitress that just appeared. She smiled at the both of us, but she stared at Ares longer, I wouldn't have gotten it, but now, I get the appeal.
"What will you be having?" She asked, and I looked around the diner, wondering if there was a now hiring sign. I needed another job.
"What do you want, pretty girl?" Ares practically cooed from across the booth, and as if he knew this would happen, my body reacted immediately.
I try to ignore Ares as I give the waitress my order. Ares didn't miss a beat; he ordered twice as much as me right after.
"We should get to know each other. Since we're living together?"
I suggested and sipped my water, trying not to seem like I was trying to find out why he had a panic attack. Yes, I did want to know, but not at the expense of sending him to another one.
"Okay, well, your favorite color is Lavender, middle name is Nicole. Your birthday is October 31st, you don't like tequila, and when you smile, something great happens. You blush when you receive compliments; who said it doesn't matter. You don't realize how fucking gorgeous you are, and hmm, what else? You're short as fuck, but we can make do. Your favorite country song is Best Shot by Jimmy Allen, and your favorite albums are 21 and 25 by Adele. You cry every time One and Only by Adele comes on; you know every word, rift, ad lib she does on the song. You're majoring in business, and you want to have your own consultation agency that helps out other people of color, especially Black people from all walks of life, not limited to New Dominion but also immigrants who are having a hard time getting their businesses off the ground. What else?"
My shock is apparent because I didn't think he knew anything about me, or was it just me who didn't bother to know about Ares? I don't feel guilty, but I do feel bad that I didn't even care to get to know him as a person, and my dislike of him is apparent now. So clear because I saw in him what I saw in me; someone who wanted to get out of being hurt.
My eyes refused to look away from him as I thought about how I found him in the rink. I thought I would surprise him just to see what he would say, and I had some more questions, but instead, I found him clutching his chest like something was wrong. It hurt me to see him like that. I remember when mom started getting panic attacks after dad passed away, I'd cry alone when she wasn't looking because I didn't want to cause another one, but I learned to recognize what they were.
The pain on his face wasn't physical, it was internal, and I cried because when I looked into his green eyes, I saw it. I saw the hurt he was hiding from everyone because there was no way anyone noticed that, and it hurt me to know that he must've been suffering by himself.
The tears that fell on his face still bother me and make me want to hug him again, but I don't think he'll appreciate it now; plus, the moment is gone, so how can I ask him right now about it.
I regret being mean to him. I regret making him feel like he couldn't have found a friend in me because I was too busy making him some kind of villain just because I crushed on his brother. Everything that was and is perfect about Ares seems imperfect because I know he's broken inside. I'm not looking to run from him suddenly, but I know we won't go over 30 days. There's no way someone who is broken like I am will want to make this more than it is.
We crave love, but we don't get it. We crave acceptance and understanding; all we can receive are physical and mental scars. We don't heal, and we never will.
I cleared my throat and focused. "Wow, you know… damn, now I feel like a sucker."
"You should," Ares smirked. "But let me ask you something…."
"Shoot."
"What was I wearing the first time you saw me?"
"A purple and black checkered suit with a dark olive turtleneck, a gold chain, your gold pinky ring on the left hand and on your right another ring but on your ring finger. Your hair was out of your face and darker then, right?"
