Page 16 of Caged Heart
"Yeah, 'cause you're weird as fuck."
"I'm not weird. I'm drunk."
Ares didn't say anything as he gave the order to the barista. Standing behind him, there's not much I need to say, and it's odd.
My cell phone going off took my mind off wherever it went when it came to this drunken state and thought of Ares. The man gave me some good sexing, and I was losing my mind on the first day of the second half of the semester.
I stared at my phone as my mother's number took over the screen, but I didn't want to pick it up. There's this hollow feeling that always takes control when she calls. There is nothing good that comes with her. The impending doom that kills the butterflies fluttering inside my belly settled as if it was always part of me. Reminding me that there was no hope when it came to me.
The phone stopped vibrating, and it seemed like the calm right before the storm. My phone went off again.
"Excuse me," I announced and stepped outside.
I picked up the phone and shut my eyes, not wanting to hear her excuses.
"Baby? Carmi? It's mom."
"Hi, mom. How are you?"
"I'm good. How are you?"
"Good."
That was all I could offer her.
"I called to tell you that I'm sorry about your money. I'll pay you back soon. Sarge and I are working on something."
"It's okay, mom. That doesn't matter; I just want one thing from you."
"I know, baby, I know." The waterworks began as she sniffled on the other end of the phone. "I just don't know why I'm like this. I'm trying, but it's so hard to just be able to do so much! I've tried working, but all the money just goes, and I'm sick. So very sick."
"Mom, just call Miss Deborah. She said she would help."
The line doesn't go quiet; I would have preferred it if it had gone silent. Instead, the waterworks stopped like clockwork.
"I don't need her. I know that I'm sick. Did you tell her that I took something from you?"
All I did was sigh, and mom lost it.
"You're not serious, Carmi! You're my daughter, and I fucking raised you when your father died! How could you rat me out to someone else like that, especially someone you know is condescending to me! Miss Deborah! Seriously! I called to tell my daughter that I was in the hospital, and I just wanted you to come to see me but forget it."
My nerves hummed as I slid to the floor into a squat, thankful I was already near a wall.
"What happened, mom?"
"They pumped my stomach a couple of days ago. I called, but you didn't pick up."
I knew she was trying to guilt trip me, but I didn't know what to do now. Tears fell as I tried not to cry for her, but I couldn't help it. She's my mother, and I loved her so much, but she kept hurting herself and me.
"Mom, you ran off with my rent money. I had nowhere to stay, and you knew this, but you didn't care about that."
"All I was calling for was an apology for not coming to see me and abandoning your mother. I don't want to be guilt-tripped. You're so ungrateful. I know you're my daughter, but I hate you sometimes."
"I'm sor—."
She hung up before I could finish my sentence.
"Why does she keep doing this to me!"
