Page 46 of Caged Heart
"You're ignoring me even after you knew what happened to me!" Artemis shouted this time, causing me to jump.
Immediately, I was transported to a time when I was younger, not a teen yet but close enough to being one. At that time, everything else excelled; the seduction, the ability to lure someone into my bed, and the capacity to display desire even when I didn't want to.
Our mother might've broke us boys in, but Artemis continued. She was tasked with putting on a show featuring us boys as her main attraction for those sick fucks in the Wick. Not all came or participated. There were other members at that time, other families who tried to shut shit down, but they didn't. They were too many years too late.
Artemis, who was in college at that time, loved to play. To seduce and further push desires that neither Mars nor I asked for.
Now that everything was processed in my head and the memories flooded, I remembered that particular day and show. Mars never smiled, ever, but that day he was smiling. That day even as Artemis made him look into her eyes while she asked him to take her over the moon in the presence of those men, he still smiled. He didn't flinch when she slapped the shit out of him or even when she forced him to kiss her while she let out cries of pleasure only she enjoyed.
Mars did what was asked of him, like the golden boy that he was, and later that night, something happened that got Artemis locked in the cage.
After that, it was all a blur until we saw her body… for the first time ever since we were subjected to the filth we called our sister, Artemis looked like an Angel with long blonde hair hanging as she did. Except she didn't have wings, not because she was a literal Angel but because she didn't deserve them.
I was glad Mars killed her because I would have been too weak to kill her, and she messed with my mind and Mars's body.
I hated her.
"Baby," Carmen's touch brought me back from the memories, and my body shook hard.
I pretended. I pretended that I hadn't spaced out so she wouldn't know I was lost to myself a moment ago and was so close to running, not from her but from everything else. Mars and I ran a lot physically and mentally; it was the only way. The sport we played, the majors we took so that we'd be so busy we couldn't think, and the surface-level rage we carried with us… it was a mask that was slipping fast.
I concentrated hard on the text that I could read moments ago, microbiology, it was usually interesting to me, but right now, I couldn't focus.
"Yeah?" I finally answered her when I felt that I could. She was patient with me because she didn't force me to answer or look at her.
"What's wrong? You need space?" Carmen asked me, and I shook my head.
I shut my eyes and tried to not focus on the memories that flooded my eyes. Memories of the past, but they weren't going away today. Maybe it was everything else around me, what happened, or the soothing touch of Carmen's thumb over my hand.
"Do you need a hug?" She asked so quietly that I knew she was ready to give me whatever I needed.
This time instead of rejecting it, I nodded. I heard Carmen as she moved and climbed into my lap; then, she wrapped her arms around my neck, giving me a hug. She kissed my head like someone who cares for you would, and the dam broke.
"Everything hurts, Goldilocks. I'm so tired of it all." My voice broke, and I didn't care that I was vulnerable this time.
Carmen held me tighter, and I circled my arms around her as the tears finally fell. The fear of almost losing her because of my father, the pain and withdrawn feelings I had about Mars not waking up, and the thoughts… all thoughts that all good things fell, but even if they did, I couldn't do it. I couldn't let Carmen go.
I should've let her go when my father showed up at the diner, but I couldn't. I couldn't let her go then and didn't want to let her go now. She was my saving grace, my heaven, and the only one who made it all sense.
I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve her, but I'd be damned if I ever let her go. Even if I ran and ran and ran, I would always circle back to her. Always.
There were many ways that I didn't want to be, but this was a way I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be plagued with memories that had me never sleeping in my bed. The bed represented the same one that Mars had in his old room at dad's house, which is why I slept in the closet. It was the only way I fell asleep… ever.
"Don't cry, Ares," Carmen said, and I hugged her like that hug had always been inside me, waiting to come out.
Speaking truthfully, when my father finally woke up, he would have to answer me for putting my girl in this bad way and putting my brother in a coma.
Fear gripped me by the throat, but I fought it. I had to fight it even though I would crawl out of this hell, knowing I'd lost every part of me.
Chapter33
Carmen
To hear Ares cry broke my heart. It didn't matter what was happening in the world or how I wanted to tell him it was okay, but I knew the words wouldn't work, and nothing would work unless he wanted to hear it. He had to choose, just like how I wanted my mother to choose me over her addictions, Sarge, and even my father's death, but that wouldn't ever happen.
It was clear as I hugged Ares that my friends were my family. Even when I had nowhere else to go, they were here for me. Even Ares, when he knew that I didn't bother speaking to him, offered me a place to stay.
I loved my mother with my whole broken heart, but she refused it. She trampled on it and made me feel inadequate. My mother made me believe that love wasn't for me, and even right now, as I told Ares that I loved him, I didn't need him to love me back because I'm used to it. I'm used to not receiving it as much. I'll take what I can. I really will.
