Page 31 of Caged Heart
"Nope, mm-mm, I am not opening my legs tonight. I'm too sore, and you have too much energy."
"I wasn't trying to have sex tonight, and I'm not really in the mood," I confessed.
If I were to have sex right now, I would lose my mind, not in a good way. Seeing dad brought up too many negative feelings. The hatred that I've buried deep inside with my burned feelings about growing up in that fucked up mansion and cult.
A legacy that I couldn't forget even if I shut my eyes forever.
"What's wrong? You wanna talk about it?" Carmen asked.
"No. I'm just going to run and hit a few pucks. I'll be back."
I stood running away from facing my messed up feelings toward life and what it offered me.
* * *
Running is the only thing I've been doing since I could last remember. It has always been part of my routine; when I run, I forget everything else. Nothing else is as important as the feeling of the air as it whooshed through my hair and ears.
The adrenaline kicked in, and I saw nothing as I kept running. I was still determining where I was running to, but I had to keep going and push my body forward.
Away from my father and his lies. Away from my family and their bullshit. Angry tears fell down my face, but I refused to acknowledge them. I haven't cried about anything in a long time, and it won't start now. I didn't cry when Artemis died during dad's first political year.
The people sympathized, but they didn't know the dirty truth. The secret society of things.
The things that each Wolfgang member faced. All my aunts and uncles, their cousins, all of them, faced stuff they shouldn't have had to because it was their birthright.
A right no one wanted to be a part of.
My feet kicked up small drifts ribboned by the wind. I needed this trek to sober up from thoughts taking over my mind. My head felt stuffed with wool and crowded with too many thoughts.
Thoughts of my father suddenly showing up. I didn't need to wonder why he did because I knew. It was time for Mars and me to be part of the society. To answer its calls. Every family was different, and they chose what they wanted to do.
Mom and dad chose to fuck us up so bad that one of us killed themselves. One can't fully have sex unless the girl is face down, ass up, and the other can't seem to beat his demons that follow him.
Demons pushed me toward running faster and harder, taking every pain that came with it.
If I let go of the pain, what else is left to feel?
Who will deal with the void?
Chapter20
Carmen
Isnapped awake. Jolting to the brutal sound of splintering wood and a resounding crash.
Although sleep dragged me up, my adrenaline catapulted me out of bed, and I stumbled across the door.
Rubbing the sleep from my eyes with one hand and covering a yawn with the other, I shuffled into the kitchen to see what was happening.
A darkened figure stood there, breathing hard. The ridges of his shoulders moved up and then down as he breathed heavily.
"Ares?"
He glanced my way, and a storm brewed in his eyes as darkness crossed his eyes. Something I didn't recognize before flowed through me when it came to Ares, fear. This look in his eyes reminded me that I'd never had to see him like this.
My feet traveled back step by step until I slammed into a wall but I couldn't move. Ares had me under a spell, a trap of some sort.
I tried to fight the spell as I lifted my chin and met his unrelenting glare. His eyes burned fanatically as they didn't look away from anything else, and they stuck to mine. He treated me with a look of unmitigated fury. A fury burning so deep that I didn't have to turn on the lights to see it because I felt it coursing over my skin.
