Page 17 of Hale's Pawn
“That’s a stupid fucking question and you know it.”
“Answer me,” I demand.
“Ainslee, I don’t fucking work for you. You don’t demand shit from me. I don’t even know why you’re upset. I’m just telling you.”
“It’s not the same. You don’t get it,” I say to him. I feel like someone’s stripped me bare. If I could help it, no one would ever see my back. I thought about getting the surgery, but then it would mean that Mikonos, Markos, and my father would find out about it. My mother, although I still love her, broke me. She knows that, and deep down inside, I know it too.
“You think if someone sees your scars, they’ll love you?” my mother says and laughs right after. “Your own father doesn't even love you. If he did, would he leave you all the time? He says he’s keeping you safe, but, really, is he? You’ll never be safe, Ainslee. I will make sure of it.”
9-year-old me didn’t understand it. It didn’t make any sense what she was saying. “He loves me. Daddy tells me all the time!” I made the mistake of yelling at her.
My mother struck me and I fell from my knees to the floor. I quickly righted myself. I didn’t cry. I didn’t fuss. I stayed on my knees in my belle’s dress that I ruined by running around with a guard’s daughter and son. He was fired today. “Ainslee, take that out of your head right now! He doesn't love you!” My mother lowered herself down to my level, looked me in the eyes, and grabbed my chin. “He will never love you more than he loves me. He’s incapable of loving more than one of us and he chooses me every time. Watch.”
“What don’t I get, Ainslee?” Oran asks, pulling me out of the memory.
“Nothing. Just please drive.”
Oran glares at me. “Well when you want to act like A BIG FUCKING GIRL AND NOT A BRAT, TALK TO ME!” his voice booms throughout the car.
I look at him, surprised that he’s even yelling at me. I didn’t even deserve this. I revert to the little girl that got yelled at constantly and I blink. I say nothing to him. I turn away and look out the window. I will not cry. I can’t cry. I won’t be ugly. I use my curly hair as a shield for my face. I can feel his stare, but he doesn’t say anything. Oran starts driving again and when he touches me, I flinch. “Are you fucking serious?” he says.
“I’m sorry,” I say and I shrink into my door. Into myself. I’m trying to tell my body that my brain is right. Oran is just pissed and, usually, the yelling at me wouldn’t have fazed me, but the insecurity, the embarrassment, the sadness of who I was is resurfacing. I just… I just need a moment.
Oran doesn’t address me even when we get to the venue. He walks out first, slamming his door. I clear my throat, put on my game face, and head inside. I almost stop walking when I spot Lina and Eli. I would ask why they’re here, but I don’t want to care anymore. They left me, not the other way around. I lift my head high and walk like the woman my father, Andres Bishops, taught me to be. I find my seat and stare at nothing in particular. Bishops’ never show their emotions in public. Our emotions are our weakness.So then, why can’t I fucking control it?
ORAN
I laughhard with Jagger while walking towards the guests. We make our way to the front. He goes to the altar and I sit next to Ainslee. I purposefully rub my thigh against her exposed leg. She moves her leg, staring at nothing. I do it again and this time, she doesn’t move her leg. I smirk as I place my hand over her exposed skin. I rub her thigh with my thumb as the ceremony starts. The song Lust for Life by Lana Del Rey starts playing, prompting Karessa to walk down the aisle. I watch as she passes by and I look at her dress. She looks naked underneath the dress. The only thing that looks decently dressed is the single cherry blossom she’s holding as a bouquet. I look at Jagger, he has a shit-eating grin planted on his face. He makes eye contact with me for a second, and this time, I wink. He wiggles his brows and looks back at Karessa like she’s his favorite double fudge chocolate ice cream and he wants her melting all over his hand. My hand seems to have taken a trip of its own as it travels down to Ainslee’s knee and back up. This time, I slip a little bit further into her dress, but with the way we’re sitting, I can’t do much. I bite my bottom lip, keeping my hand there throughout the ceremony. When the officiant announces that it's time to kiss the bride, Jagger goes out in true Jagger fashion. I whistle encouragingly at him as he tongues the fuck out of Karessa. These are going to be some kind of interesting arranged marriages we’ve both gotten ourselves into.
I hang backat the bar with Jagger, who can’t take his eyes off his bride. It’s like he’s hunting her. It’s funny, but I’m glad the asshole doesn’t look as distraught as he did with Layla. I know that it takes time to get over a heartbreak, but sometimes, you have to let things go. Speaking of his bride, I don’t know how I’ve never noticed her before, but she is beautiful. She looked stunning walking down the aisle and now that she’s mingling with her guests, she looks poised. It’s funny because I thought that I would end up with someone like her; a poised woman, a belle. A trophy wife. That’s not what happened. I ended up with someone who makes me go from hot to cold in a matter of minutes. I don’t think I’ve argued with someone as much as I’ve argued with Ainslee. I don’t like arguing with people and wasting time talking about bullshit.
“Why are you here and your wife is over there? In the corner, sitting by herself like she wasn’t invited?” Jagger asks.
I look over to where he nods his head and I tilt my head. “We argued. It was stupid. She was being fucking childish again.”
“Hmm...what happened?”
“I asked a fucking simple question and she acts like I’m trying to learn the insides of her body.”
Jagger snickers as he drinks his whiskey. “So, you pushed?”
“Pushed?”
“Yeah. You push sometimes.”
I look at my best friend. “I do not push.”
Jagger smirks. “You do, but that’s okay. You just need straight answers. Nothing going in circles. I know that, but she doesn’t. She’s not your employee, Oran. She’s your wife.”
I narrow my eyes. “I fucking know that. I just married her last week.”
“Right. So relax, get your dick wet, and enjoy shit as it comes,” Jagger says.
“I don’t do that. She came into my life without permission, I can’t just fucking relax,” I say to him.
Jagger doesn’t say anything. He stares at me for a second, then turns to the bartender and orders me a drink. “Something happened, what is it?” Jagger looks at me and I stare back at him. I hate that he knows me so well.
I sigh. “The girl from Room B at theUnknown Elitesnight we went. That was Ainslee,” I say to him and run my fingers through my hair, probably fucking it up.
