Page 18 of Mr. Mistletoe
“What you’re not going to do is break my fuckin’ heart for the third time, Charity!” I shout. The sadness creeps on her face. “You won’t do this to me again. No! I know I said I would woo you but fuck that, not like this. You won’t do this to me again. I’m done!” I shout for the world to hear. It hurts saying this but her words… fuck man, her words hurt me too much.
I walk away, but I don’t get far before Kimberly shouts back. I guess she got out of her shock. “Did you hear me!” She yells. I don’t care what else she has to say to me. What excuse she has to give me. I’m angry, so angry I might just throw that fuckin’ vintage pick-up in the damn ocean. Watch that shit drown all the way down to the bottom. “You’re not hearing me! You just hear what you want to hear! I don’t want to repeat the past!” Kimberly shouts once more.
I stop in my tracks and face her. “So, then what the fuck are you doing here? You could leave this town tonight then. You could’ve spared me the bullshit excuse you have bubbling up inside of you. You make me fuckin’ crazy, Kimmie. Fuckin’loco!I’m out here nude as hell all because my heart was pullin’ me towards you but you…” I stop talking because it’s not worth it. Fuck it. I pivot on my heel and walk away.
“I choose you!” Kimberly yells for the world to hear.
I stop dead in my tracks.What did she just say?I slowly face her running my fingers in my hair to get it out of my face. “What did you just say to me? Charity, don’t fuck with me, I swe—,”
“Stop before you say something you regret,” Kimberly says softly. “Just listen to me and don’t jump to conclusions. Let me express myself in the best way I know how. Let me do this,” she sighs. “I don’t want anyone else but you, Deacon. I was a fool years ago for sure but I had to do it. Deacon, I couldn’t look at you without thinking about my daddy. I couldn’t stay here in this country, I felt like I was suffocating. Everything was closing in on me when I thought about coming back. Letting you walk away the first time broke me so much so that I came back to Fairhope searching for you but your father talked to me. He sat me down and told me that I had to focus. I had to accomplish the goals I set. He was close friends with my daddy not as much as our mothers are best friends but they loved each other like family. He knew how much I was hurting. I suffered Deac. I had nightmares for years, anxiety, sleepless nights and things I wish not to discuss. When I met James, he was a friend. He helped me…move on. He changed my point of view on life. You don’t know this but I considered taking my life in med school. Everything was so hard, I didn’t know how to reach out to you guys, tell you that I miss you and I wanted to give up.”
She takes a deep breath, I say nothing. I just watch her. “I gave up, Deacon. On everything, when I came back two years after, I acted normal but I wasn’t. I was going through so much and all I wanted was 10 minutes of your time. You were so angry at me and I tried my best to leave you alone but when we’re with each other there’s no leaving each other alone.” She chuckles mirthlessly. Kimberly breaks eye contact and looks out at the water, “Look at me, I couldn’t even last a couple of days around you. I broke your heart and I’m so, so sorry, Deacon. In breaking your heart, I broke my own, and I don’t think it’ll ever function properly again. I tried. Dammit, I tried.”
“Why?” I ask. “Why did you say yes to him but not try to make it work with me? Is it because you don’t think I’m worth it? I’m not fuckin’ good enough for you?” I growl thinking about my words to Annabelle. “WhyDIDN’ YOU FIGHT FOR ME!” I yell.
“I DID!” Kimberly steps to me. Anger in her eyes. The eye of the storm front and fucking center. “I fought for you in my own way, I fought myself to not run back to you. To not come back and give you this shell of a person. I couldn’t come back. You don’t get it, do you?” She thumps at my chest. “I lost it!” She punches me again this time hard in the gut. I make a smalloomphsound but nothing more. “I lost our baby! When I ran away from you the second time and didn’t care about myself. I failed you and the baby because I didn’t take care of myself. I lost hope. I lost it all. All I did was run, all I do is run, and I’m tired, Deacon, Jesus… I’m tired.” Kimberly breaks down hard this time. Sobbing. “I can’t lose you again. You’re everything.”
I don’t hear anything as I zone out.
I lost our baby…I blink.
Kimberly was pregnant. With my baby and she lost it. I snap out of it, and I look down at her. I cup her face in my hands. “Kimmie…” I call her a nickname that I’ve barely used until now. “You could’ve come to me.”
She shakes her head. “You would’ve been disgusted with me, you all would’ve.”
I wipe her tears. “Who told you that, huh? Who would fill your head with that kind of garbage? We are your family. We would’ve played hero if that’s what you wanted us to do. I would’ve done it. I would have shifted the whole doggone world for you.”
“Please forgive me,” Kimberly says. “Please.”
“You choose me?” I ask her. I know I sound like a fool, a loser and a weak man, but I don’t care what anyone says. No one wants to be left behind. I’ve been killed before, my life flashing before my eyes. I’ve had so many mourn for me as Baldr but none of that compares to Kimberly crying for me. Choosing me, wanting everything with me.
“Yes. I mean it, I told James to leave. I can’t be with him if I’m to earn you,” she answers with honesty but there is still a faraway look when it comes to James. There’s something else going on and she’s not telling me.
I shake my head not dwelling on it right now, I’ll figure it out. I smirk as I wipe her tears. “Right… Okay, we can do that. The first step, let’s get my ass back in my house, my balls are freezing.”
Kimberly chuckles and nods. I lean in kissing her forehead but nothing further. I need a second to think. This is a lot. Too much information given and not enough has been processed. Kimberly doesn’t say anything as we walk back to the house. Instead, she just follows me. No complaints with me not holding her hand. Good. Maybe this won’t blow up in my fucking face again.
Kimberly
For the nextcouple of days before Christmas we work double time. Deacon keeps asking questions about why I’m rushing the wedding, but I don’t get the chance to answer him. Mack and his dad distracted him at work as I picked out the small details. We hired people who could put a Winter Wonderland themed wedding together in a week. Well, a couple of someones. They worked tirelessly, not complaining at all.
I, on the other hand, felt like I was going crazy because I didn’t get to see Deacon. I was so close and I didn’t want him to be mad at me. That night on his beach, I did choose him, but he doesn’t see the big picture yet because the confusion is written all over his face on why he needs to keep up with this wedding. Mack has convinced him to not bail on me and I could kiss Mack for it. Now, it’s the day right before the wedding, and I take a deep breath as my future husband steps out to show me his suit. I blink, not sure if I’m still breathing.
Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Where the woman is shocking her man? I almost cry but I clear my throat. I see the weariness on Deacon’s face. He doesn’t want to do this anymore. I know that maybe he thinks James is coming back because something doesn’t add up for him. A whole wedding is happening, the town knows yet there’s no groom. It’s so simple and in his face but I think he doesn’t want to see it because then it would mean everything I’ve done was for him.
Deacon
“I don’t understand, Kimberly! Why are you still planning a wedding? It’s literally TOMORROW! Why are you dragging me from place to place! This is the last straw!” I growl loudly and the glass of the damned men’s suit store rattles.
Kimberly looks at everything, then me. “Deac, what… I, please just try the suit on, yeah? This is the last time. I promise,” she sniffles.
“You promise?” I repeat. “Your promises don’t mean shit, Mamita. You don’t keep them very well.”
She takes a step back as if slapped. “Really? That was a low blow.”
I shut my eyes, calming myself down. “I’m sorry, that was, but I’m frustrated, Kim. Why am I doing all this? You have me looking like a clown in this country. You want me to try on a suit for what purpose when there’s no fiancé, who’s going to wear it? How does that make sense and I told you, y’all ain’t gettin’ married at all.”
“I did it for you!” Kimberly shouts.
