Page 4 of Euphoria
“I should kick you right in those pretty teeth of yours, dickwad,” Orion says.
If I was anyone else I’d be scared but I know him. I know who Orion Moralis is so when I don’t respond to him and he stands, turning to face me, I’m ready for him. Orion walks up to me and swings, hitting me in the gut. I let him have this first hit but that’s it. I grunt as that shit hurts. I don’t think about that as we both go toe-to-toe. I get my hits in just as much as he does. We don’t know when to stop; I hear things breaking in our wake but what was supposed to be a helping hand for my brother triggers me. I randomly think of the one person who hurt me more than anyone else in the world—Bambi Laurence.
I don’t know how she came to my mind or how I let my mind conjure up such shit with her but that’s just what’s happening. I need to stop but I release a scream that shakes my entire core and causes my brother to stop. Orion pulls away from me and I drop to my knees. I’ve never felt loss before, not even when my mother threw me out one night and told me to walk to my father’s house barefoot. She told me I was too odd, too weird. I didn’t function correctly for her. There was always a problem when it came to me.
“You’re not normal, Phoenix. How can you not even cry when my mother, your grandmother, is dead? EVERYONE CRIES!” She screamed at me.
But what did she want me to do? What did she expect of me? Please leave, get out. My mother’s and Bambi’s words resonate within me, loud and clear.
I try to control my breathing, not caring that I haven’t told my brother about the recent panic attacks.
“Nix? Phoenix.” I hear the concern in Orion’s voice. He gets to his knees. “Can you hear me?” He asks.
I nod. “Yes.”
“Good. Now, close your eyes, focus on the pain I just inflicted on your body. How does it feel?”
“Feel?” I question.
“Hurt. Does it hurt?”
I take a deep breath in and wince. “Yes, it hurts.”
“Good. Use that pain and focus. Come back to the now. What have I always said to you?”
“Not everything needs to be felt. I don’t need emotions, that’s not what makes me human,” I recite.
“What makes you human?” He asks.
“The fact that I could feel love for the first time,” I answer but then I growl. “She told me to go too,” I say through clenched teeth.
Orion’s bloody hand covers my bloodied hand. “Say it, Nix. Fucking say it before I beat the shit out of you.”
“I, Phoenix Moralis, choose who I love. I don’t give them the power to love or hate me because they’ll never have it. We don’t give them that, we are that power.”
“Who’s we?” Orion asks.
“We, the Moralis men. That’s our fucking code. Take it or leave it. Either way, suck my dick,” I add.
Orion bursts out laughing. “What the fuck?”
* * *
Bambi
It feels weird being back here. I refused to step foot on Founder’s Island after I got adopted at sixteen. I never looked back because I knew that if I did, I would search for the boy with the golden-brown eyes and the boy with the baby blues who saved me yet destroyed my world.
I take a deep breath in and release another one out as I step out of my car walking towards my new job, Premier Illusions. I knew my now boss, Sasha. It’s a funny turn of events because I used to teach art classes at the Youth Recreation Center and she attended. We were years apart but our conversations seemed genuine. I never really told her why my art gradually became darker each time I picked up a paintbrush.
Fate was on my side because we recently reconnected and she offered me a job as a curator. I don’t paint as much as I like to anymore because there’s always one face that I paint in so many ways. A face that I can’t ever forget. Those eyes haunt me every day.
I shake my head because there’s no reason I’ll ever have to run into him.
* * *
Today ismy first event as a curator as Sasha presents some new artwork. I take a deep breath in and release another but freeze in my steps towards the door. I need to unlock it so that everyone can come in once it’s time. My anxiety comes back full blown. I never really grew out of that shy girl from high school. High school was a trying time. From the questions about my Afro-Cuban-Moroccan background to the typical ‘You’re not as fiery as a Latina would be’ and the ‘How can you be Afro-Cuban and Moroccan?’ remarks, which to this day makes absolutely no sense to me. I never understood why people wanted to ask me such weird questions. I kept to myself, quiet and out of the way. I’ve always been that way and now I’ve embraced me for who I am.
Many people thought I would break out of my shell and become some crazy powerful woman who doesn’t take shit from people. I mean, it’s somewhat true but my type of strength is different. No I don’t always stand up for myself but I can walk away. I don’t want to fight, argue or anything of that sort but I won’t be treated like an animal.
