Page 25 of Euphoria
Phoenix looks down at my lips and back up to my eyes. He leans in resting his forehead on mine. “I don’t give a fuck, just kiss me like you love me so I can kiss you like I want to kill you.”
I don’t have time to even ask what that means as Phoenix kisses me and Bowie somehow bites my neck. I scream my release in Phoenix’s kisses. Bowie removes his arm from around my waist and he brings it up, grabbing my jaw. He forcefully removes me from kissing Phoenix. I look up at him and he bites his lip. “Don’t get fucking greedy, baby cakes,” is all the warning I get right before he devours my soul through his kissing. I moan, arching my body as I feel as Phoenix pulls my jeans and panties down. He kisses my midsection and before I know it, I feel his tongue licking up my juices. He nips at my sensitive nub and I moan longer in Bowie’s mouth. Bowie lets me go, and he brings up his other hand placing his fingers into his mouth licking off the remnants of my juices. “You taste just as fucking delicious as you did back then, maybe even better.”
Phoenix pulls away from torturing me some more too. He pulls my panties and jeans back up as he stands. Bowie spins me to face him and he growls like I have activated some sex demon in him. The look he’s giving me is downright panties melting and scary as fuck. Phoenix presses behind me and I feel his hands everywhere. He pinches a nipple hard and when I scream out, Bowie grabs my jaw, tilting my head and he kisses me hard. My fingers find their next victim, his biceps. He flexes and it makes me want to jump both of them now.
How do you describe a kiss? One that takes every part of me to a different time; back to the first time I gave my body to them. The only boys that I chose for myself. Bowie pulls away from me and presses the open button for the elevator. Phoenix walks me out and then he gets back in. They both look like they want to sex me into a coma, but Bowie presses the button for the elevator to shut. As it shuts, both of them smirk and as if they had one thing on their minds, they speak at the same time. “One week…” I shudder as the doors shut.
Neither of these men have ever forced themselves on me, instead they made me feel alive. I gave them everything and I will never take it back.
* * *
“Nixy…”I call his name out as my nails dig into his back.
“Aw baby, I love you,” Phoenix grunts in my ear. I shudder at his voice and the way he makes me feel as he moves inside of me.
I have never been taken so roughly in the most enjoyable way. No one has ever made me feel like sex was meant to be good. Phoenix changed my view on sex and replaced every single bad touch that was ever laid on me.
“Let me see you,” I beg Phoenix.
Phoenix opens his eyes as he lifts my legs, placing them over his arms. He holds me in this position as he takes every part of me and gives me every part of him. “Tell me all your troubles, Bams and I promise to take them on. I see the sadness in your eyes and I can shield you. I can protect you, just tell me.”
I gasp as he picks up speed, driving me closer and closer to the edge. Phoenix plays with my clit, something I didn’t know was meant to be touched, yet he did it. I muffle my moan, but the anger he displays in his eyes tells me he wants to hear it. His next touch sends me into overdrive and I cum while I sob. I sob for the girl who was shown sex in the wrong and needed to be shown the right way. I sobbed for the girl who lost her mother, trusted her stepfather to do right but he didn’t, instead he took that opportunity to take advantage of a lost, grieving girl.
That was the start of my sobbing sexually because the moment Phoenix pulls away, Bowie appears and I know it’s not a magic trick, I just didn’t hear him come in. He looks at me as Phoenix kisses down my body and I get so transfixed in those moments by his gaze. There’s no way that I can even look away, even if I wanted to. Bowie removes his shirt and I notice the blood. He doesn’t care though as he cracks his neck side to side and removes his jeans. He’s gone commando which tells me he just came from another underground fighting matching that he refused to tell me about.
Phoenix climbs off me but he stays close. He wraps his arm around my middle and pulls me into him. I can’t take my eyes off Bowie as he lowers himself on the bed. He pulls me into a kiss, and I kiss him back just as hard. I’ve missed him. He stops kissing me and he lays his forehead on mine. “Hi,” I say to him.
I feel as Phoenix lifts my leg up and I feel Bowie at my entrance. I arch my body into him, letting him know how much I want him. I didn’t think I’d enjoy sex of this magnitude, let alone be able to be with two boys, but I do. Bowie sinks inside of me and he shudders. He doesn’t move for a second as he shuts his eyes. I feel Phoenix’s body right behind me. Bowie doesn’t open his eyes as he moves. I can’t help but enjoy this sensation. Bowie moves his head to lay his forehead on my shoulder. He fucks me like the world is ending and I lose myself in him even more. I feel liquid on my shoulder, but as soon as I open my mouth to ask, Phoenix slams his hand over it. “I love you,” Bowie says to me and keeps thrusting inside of me. “I love you so goddamn much, Bams,” he repeats and I know he’s crying but I don’t know what happened.
Phoenix removes my hand and I don’t ask him what’s going on, instead, I give him what he deserves. “I love you too, Bowie Hanlon. With everything that I have.”
I never thought I would ever heal from that part of my past but as I wrap my arms around myself thinking about these two men who have changed my life tremendously, I realize the past me, should’ve written a letter to the future me.
Dear Bambi,
You were a lost girl at sea holding onto your mother’s hand, but she let go too early. You had no one, and the man you trusted stole every part of you from you. He demolished it and made you an empty shell. But you’ll do right. You’ll get two unique individuals who will make you whole. They may be as broken as you are but they can take all of that away. Don’t hesitate the first time, not even the second time… jump all the way in because you found the answer to it all. To replace a monster, you don’t get a hero to do it… You get an even bigger monster; two men who combined can be the one complete monster. Be careful because you’ll fall hard and they will fall even harder. Be ready to face the consequences for accepting such a ‘monster’ in your life. They will never go away because they gave you every part of themselves replacing the parts you lost.
But ask yourself, what do you really see when you look at them? Do you see a monster, or do you see more?
Because I see the beginning of the rest of your life.
X.O.
