Page 47 of Blinded By The Sun
“I mean that when I fuck her in our bed that shit won’t get you mad or when I have her suck me off then I cum down your throat, you’ll swallow like a good girl, won’t you?” he says so calmly.
“Stop it,” I state. There’s this odd feeling; a burning sensation rising from the pit of my belly and my hands are trembling.
“No, why would I? You thought since we’re together that means I don’t want more pussy? I do. I want you to watch me when I fuck her. Maybe she’ll let me fuck her up the ass or maybe… Just maybe, she’ll be able to fight me back!” He spits out.
I don’t know what comes over me, but I charge blindly. I don’t even think about what I’m doing as I swing. Obviously, I hit nothing. I miss Ciro as he moves out of the way but I feel rage. A crazy rage that has me spitting out words I’ve never said before. “I will fuck you up if you try that shit. You’re mine and no one else can have you. I want you all to myself. I deserve you, you crazy motherfucker. You think because you’re a damned Don that you can stick your dick anywhere! I’m not your fucking dead wife, I will fuck you up if you fuck anyone else besidesME!”I yell. Ciro doesn’t say a word, but he charges this time and grabs me in his hold. I’m so out of it, so I yell again. “Get off me! Let me go, you insane bastard! She can’t have you!”
Ciro’s laughter draws me out of wherever I just went. Ciro has his head thrown back as he laughs so hard that my body moves along with the vibration of his. I’m confused. “Why are you laughing?” I ask.
Ciro tries to stop laughing. He clears his throat a couple of times and then he looks down at me. He tsks, shaking his head. “Don’t underestimate me, eh? You see how easy that was? I got you in a fit of rage so quick, you didn’t know what hit you.”
I shake my head. “I wasn’t angry. I just didn’t like what you were saying. Those things… They aren’t true, are they?”
“Are your words true? Is that how you feel?” Ciro asks.
“Yes,” I state.
“My words aren’t true. I used what would trigger you and the only thing that you care about is me. You’re in love with me so you’d be upset that you have to share me.”
“You… you used yourself against me?” I ask.
“Yep, and others will too, if you don’t fucking toughen up. Even if you’re sexy when you’re in a fit of rage, I’d rather you have a rational mind. I don’t want you to change or anything, but I want you to not have anyone use me against you. You don’t die for me; I die for you. You get that shit, Kingsley?”
“No. I don’t.”
“If someone was shooting at me, what would you do?”
“Jump in front of you,” I say honestly.
Ciro shakes his head in disapproval. “Babe, come on, you can’t do that. Seriously.”
“Why not? I’m the one who loves you, I can do what I want. You have no say over my love.” I’m serious.
Ciro stares at me for a moment and then takes a deep breath, shaking his head. Without thinking about it, I open my mouth and speak. “And I have found Demetrius like a jewel, Mine own, and not mine own.”[13]
Ciro tilts his head. “I know those words…” he says all too well.
The more I stare at him, the more… a distant memory feels like it’s nudging at me; For me to prop it open. It’s at the tip of my tongue. I know the words from Helena in Shakespeare’s play, but why do they feel personal. My heart twists and I hold on to Ciro. I feel like I lost him before; everything in me hurts in such a way that I can’t describe it. He’s mine. I won’t give him to anyone else. I really won’t.
I won Demetrius so easily, as if he were a precious diamond I just found lying around. It’s mine because I found it, but I feel like someone else could easily come and claim it was hers…[14]
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