Page 36 of Blinded By The Sun
Ciro
I sit in my den and stare at the spot where I halfway watched my wife bleed out to death. That bitch. I wish I could bring her back so that I could ask her why she did all that to me. Why did she lie to me about being barren? It would have never been the end of the world for me, but the fact that she lied about it, it makes me wonder if she had another reason for doing this. I take a deep breath in and release another.
I take a seat back in my chair and look as the fire crackles. The way the fire is dancing is making me feel like I’m in a trance. I think of King’s words. For me to hurt her, to be more than Jones so I can replace him, but I can’t do that. I’m not a fucking rapist. Yes, there are things that I take that don’t belong to me like territory or businesses but not another human. I didn’t even take her; She was offered to me. I would’ve never stolen her because she is a human being and she has a say in her damn life. I sigh, reaching over to my glass table and I pour myself another drink. What the hell is going on with me? Am I thinking about doing this for her? I can’t. It’s too risky. She’ll bring out something in me I don’t think I’ll ever be able to retract again. I can’t be that person. I know that sometimes I take from her, but it’s because I know she wants it. That she wants me to fuck her and make her feel good, but how is this better if she wants me to put the fear of God in her? How can it possibly be the same for me?
I hear the door creak. “Go to bed, Kingsley, I don’t want to see you right now,” I say harshly only so she can go get some rest.
I hear no response for a moment, and I turn to the door. She’s standing there in that same big robe, holding it to her person. “I can’t sleep,” she admits.
I look at her from head to toe. She’s so beautiful and I took a beautiful sculpture or rather a painting and ruined it. I defiled a DaVinci in my home, treating it like shit when there’s more to her than that. She deserves to be treated like the Sistine chapel with such prestige, maintenance and lavish. But what have I done to her? I would disgust Michelangelo. I’m no fucking better than her uncle surrounding her with predators all over.
I chug my drink. I don’t need to be thinking about this shit right now. How did I turn out to care as much as I do right now? This isn’t okay. I need to let this shit go. One month is all it took for me to give a fuck. What does that say about me? Was I deprived of the damned feelings and emotions? That I’m craving for hers right now.
“Why can’t you sleep?” I ask her.
King stands there, one foot planted firmly on the floor and the other playing with the tips of her toes. “Because you’re not there,” she says.
Fuck, she’s honest and I don’t know if I hate it or love it. I shake my head, lightly chuckling. “Explain this to me. I was gone for 3 weeks and you slept, no?”
She shakes her head. “No, I didn’t really sleep that good. I kept waking up expecting to feel you next to me.”
“We don’t cuddle though, so why would it matter?” I ask her.
“Because your body heat is enough for me. All I need is that. I won’t ask you to do what I asked earlier. Not now, anyway. I just want to get some sleep. Can you give me that?” She asks so sweetly.
I bite my bottom lip. How can I even deny her such a thing? Her innocence radiates off her as if she’s a damned shining star. I stand, leaving my glass on the table. I walk towards her and pass her in the door archway. I don’t get halfway out of the threshold of the archway when she clutches my arm. I look down at her hand holding onto my arm. I smirk and remove it but instead of leaving her alone I take her small hand in mine. I lead us towards the bedroom without speaking another word.
When we get into the room, I don’t go straight for the bed. Instead, I walk us to the closet and remove one of my t-shirts and a pair of flannel pajamas. I untie her robe, pulling at the strings, and then push it off her shoulders. I stare at her naked body, looking at how beautiful it really is. Have I ever really appreciated her body until now? I reach out touching her face first, caressing it, and then I leave a trail behind as I go to her breasts. After that, I continue until I reach her midsection. I flatten my palm, touching her there where she could’ve had our child but she didn’t get the chance. Neither of us got the chance, really, and that’s sad. It sucks but I’m glad she’s okay. I look at her in the eyes. “I’m so sorry for your loss and what you went through. You didn’t deserve that. Jones was a disgusting piece of garbage that took advantage of a woman with a kind heart and a misguided predicament. You were in a tough position and he knew that but he was a sick fuck. He was a predator and, baby, I can’t be what you want me to be. I can’t be a predator. That’s not me. I like the chase just like any other man but only if you want to be chased. I don’t chase to kill; I chase to capture and enjoy along with you. I’ll replace every single touch of Jones’ but you have to work with me here and let me do it my way,” I say to her.
King stares at me but says nothing. I don’t think she will because she doesn’t understand what it is I’m trying to say. I dress her by putting my t-shirt on her and my flannels. “I have my own pajamas,” she states.
“I know but if you want to feel something of me while you’re sleeping and dreaming, you have my clothes, my scent to remind you I’m here. I won’t let you have nightmares alone,” I confess.
“Oh,” King says.
After I’m done, I walk us to the bed, and we get in. I turn the lights off and turn to my side to sleep. “Ciro?” King calls out to me.
“Yeah?”
“Can I cuddle you?” She asks.
I snort. “No. Go to sleep.” I say.
King sighs but I hear her turn away from me. I turn to face her and reach out to her. I wrap my arm around her midsection and pull her close to me. “I prefer to be the big spoon. Just sayin’. Now, sleep.”
King’s body relaxes and I feel her hand over mine as she rubs my arm, causing friction with the hair there. It’s oddly comforting and the shaking in her hand is still there. She’s scared but she won’t say it. She’ll pretend like she can do this and she can move on. I won’t say a word. I’ll just wait until she’s ready to talk.
“Ciro?” She calls out to me again.
“Yeah?”
“You promise you’ll be there in my nightmare if something happens?” She asks.
“Yes, I promise, but I can’t do what you want me to do. I can’t be that man for you, Kingsley. I’m not a rapist.”
“I don’t want you to rape me,” she admits. “I just want it to disappear.”
I kiss her head. “I know. I want it to disappear too but not like that, Kingsley. Don’t ask me to be something you will regret later. You don’t know what you’re asking. You’re asking for more than a monster. You’re asking for someone who will ruin you.”
“You want to ruin me though,” she says matter of factly.
I chuckle. “Yes, but not like that. How I’ll ruin you, it’ll break you so good and you’ll never want to be whole again. I’ll blind you, Kingsley because I am the sun.”
“I want to be blind, Ciro. I want to stare at the sun that is you. Please keep on shining in my world. That’s all I ask,” she says to me.
I grit my teeth, not because I’m mad, but to keep myself stoic. I have never had my breath taken away before, but King does that. How can she say something like that? Does she even understand what that means? She seriously doesn’t because if I blind her, I’ll keep her so I can guide her for the rest of her life. She would be mine and not just as a toy but as the only woman that can look my way while I shine brightly because I’d give her sunglasses to shade her eyes.
“Fuck, Kingsley Storm, you do not understand what you’re asking of me,” I say out loud. Luckily, she’s already asleep. I kiss her hair once more and shut my eyes, drifting into sleep myself… For the first time in my life, I can sleep without counting guns.
