Page 34 of Blinded By The Sun
Ciro
I never thought much about being a father. I always told myself that I hated children even though I practically had a baby for life,Poutine. Now, it all sinks in. The fact that Tatyana lied to me, that I can have fucking children and that Kingsley was put in a position where she lost our baby. I haven’t been able to look at her for the week she’s been home. She’s doing better but I can’t bring myself to touch her or hurt her. The dynamics of everything we started in the first three days of knowing each other has dramatically changed.
I shake my head at the misery and dread that tries to subdue me. No. I climb into the shower fully clothed letting the water comfort and drench me. I shut my eyes and the images of finding Kingsley in the hospital and even after she was discharged rocks me to my core. An anger that I haven’t felt for a long time spreads throughout my entire body. I feel it as it travels from my toes all the way to my scalp. I don’t think as I raise my fist and punch the tiles. I scream, punching the same spot over and over. I don’t know when the sobbing starts, but it does. Reality hits me. I realize how much I wanted someone else in my life who came from me.
“Ciro! Stop!” I hear King yelling. “Please, stop.” She pleads with me but she doesn’t get the white-fiery anger that has just taken over.
“Get out,” I growl before turning to face her and punching at the glass barrier. It’ll crack soon, but I don’t give a fuck.
Boston comes in and grabs King. He wraps his arm around her midsection and pulls her behind him. “Cir… Cir, chill. I need you to calm down!”
“Don’t touch her!” I yell out. I don’t know why I’m being like this. Overly protective of her. I just don’t want anyone else to harm her.
Boston raises his hands. “Listen to me man, you’re not yourself right now. I just need you to stop. Please stop.”
Adriano walks into the bathroom. He’s the only one who braves it and steps closer to me. “Listen to me, Gaël,” Adriano calls me by my middle name. He’s the only bastard allowed besides my parents and Boston. “You need to see clarity. Come on, man…”
I shut my eyes. “I can’t stop thinking about it. Jones took something I didn’t even know I wanted. It’s making me crazy, yeah? I want to hurt him all over again. How dare he do that to her!” I bellow out. “How can he hurt her like it’s nothing and right under my roof? He disrespected her like it meant nothing to me. He took someone I’ll never meet.” I admit and I take a step back, the reality of my words sink in. “I just…” I look away, turning my back to them and sinking to the floor. “I need a minute.”
I hear footsteps as they leave, and that’s when it comes back full force. The sobbing comes back hard. It hurts to even think I failed someone I hadn’t even brought into the world.
“Ciro…” I hear King’s whisper. I want to answer, but I don’t. I shut my eyes and I hear her come around entering the shower. I open my eyes as she kneels down. She reaches out, grabbing my face into her small hands. “Ciro.” She calls my name one more time. “Please, don’t cry,” King begs me.
I sniffle. “I didn’t even get a fuckin’ chance,” I confess. King wraps her arms around me, and I pull her to me. I don’t care about the damned water or anything else. “I’m sorry.” I apologize to her. I put her in this spot and I’ll never do it again. No one will ever hurt her again.
