Page 22 of Free-Falling
I laugh at this because this is the way that I’ve been feeling about him for the past two days. “Right back at you, dickface.” I turn to walk out of the bedroom, but him calling my name stops me.
“Come here, Ains…” I get closer, standing at the edge of the bed. “Closer,” he says.
I roll my eyes as I sit on the bed, Jagger wraps his arm around my waist, pulls me closer to him and in a second, we’re cuddling. “Jagger, if you don’t let me go.” I say.
“Five more minutes and then you can go. How’s that? You little bastard?” He holds me tight to him.
I sigh. “Since I have to give you five minutes, if you could change something in your life, what would you change? Besides the obvious.”
Jagger stays quiet for a little while and for a second, I think he’s sleeping. Then he readjusts himself. “I don’t know. I mean, what can I truly change that won’t impact where I am today? I wish that I still had my twin with me, that he didn’t die or that the person who hit him stopped to take us to the hospital. Maybe he would have survived. But I’m not foolish enough to dwell on the what-ifs anymore.”
I nod. “I see, but wouldn’t you want to change at least this? Like for you to have the wedding that you wanted with Layla?”
“Would you change this and want Eli here instead?” He asks.
“I don’t think Eli and I would have lasted long after marriage.” I surprise myself when I speak this out loud.
“Why do you say that?” He asks.
I shrug. “Because, he never once stood up for me with my parents, when I told him I had to get married to someone else other than him, he didn’t at first think that would happen but then when it was becoming true, he showed up. You know, I didn’t think about this until now, but there’s never been a time where he’s fought for me as much as he has now. Calling me right before I walked down the aisle accepting my parents’ cruel wedding invitation, calling me when we got back home, telling me how much I would regret this. How much you could never love me because you were already in love and I would always be miserable. I accepted it because that’s just what it is. It’s my predicament, my life, and my future. I thought I loved Eli, I really thought I did, but I loved being useful to someone else. Loved being needed. I’m such an idiot.” I let out a frustrated sigh.
Jagger kisses my hair. “Why does Eli think he can dictate how your life goes after the wedding? What made him think he could call you and speak some bullshit nonsense into your life? It’s yours. You make whatever decision you want. If Eli really loved you, he would have fought for his love. He would’ve fought for you.”
“Like how you fought for Layla?”
Jagger lets me turns away. “I fought for her, Ainslee. I did everything I could because I thought she was the love of my life but when her life was in danger, I did what I could to keep her alive and let her find someone else to love because that’s what I thought she deserved. I thought I hated you and that since we fight all the time, it would never be an issue for us. We’d never get along, anyway.”
“I see.” I answer. I don’t know what to say to that.
Jagger comes back behind me. This time turning me to face him. I shut my eyes because I don’t want him to see that I’ve started liking him a bit. I realized this from the second I saw him standing there in the hospital waiting room with Oran. No one has ever been there for me like that. Before meeting Eli, every time I had an appointment, or I was worried about something, I showed up on my own and left on my own. With Eli, he was always late. He showed up when I was halfway out of the hospital building or already at home. But seeing someone who I was supposed to fight and hate all my life, something changed. It shifted and I don’t know if it was always there or if this is new.
“But I could learn to love you…” Jagger says and I’ve stopped breathing. “I don’t know how to trust people anymore, Ains. People have lied to me repeatedly all my life. My mother has loved me too much to the point of driving me away from her and deeper into a place I’ll probably always be. My father, well, he’s never really cared about anything. I sometimes believe he’s an alien. I don’t even think he realizes I really exist outside of his patronizing ways and that’s not my problem anymore. But, Ainslee, even with that, I really could, you know…”
I finally find my breathing. “Could what?” I just want to hear him say it again.
“Could learn to love you, this is different. We’re different. We’re not fighting and we’re connected in ways we didn’t realize we were.”
I still haven’t opened my eyes for fear this could be a dream. There’s no way someone who they forced me to marry a month and some change ago wants to learn to love me, but then again, I like him already. This is Jagger Hanlon, the same one that I used to fight just because I needed to rage and now, everything is clear. I can’t seem to make any mistakes or stumble.
“Don’t cry, baby. Come on now, I didn’t say I was putting you in my will.” Jagger jokes.
“Shut up. These things have their own process and Jagger Liam Hanlon?”
“Hmm?” He answers.
“I could learn to love you too.” I confess.
“I know.” He answers.
My eyes pop open. “Excuse me?”
Jagger’s face is one I wish I had my camera to take a picture of. I didn’t know how beautiful he can be when he smiles. Not even a smirk or nothing like that, but a full on boy-ish grin that puts everything else I’ve ever known to shame. Fuck, what a gorgeous bastard.
“I said I know because you like me, Ains. You’ve always liked me.” He tells me, which shocks me to my core.
Jagger pulls me closer to him and this time, for the first time, I start the kiss. I kiss Jagger like he is the only man I’ll ever look at again. The only man I’ll learn to love for the rest of my life.
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