Page 62 of Dear, Carson McDermott
“Yet, here he was.” Beau decided to put his two cents in it.
I rolled my eyes as I kicked Stanislav off a now crying Ricardo. I didn’t care about the blood in his ass or the tears on his face, there was no sympathy in me left for a man who was a predator.
“Shut up,” I said to Beau.
“Boys,” Dad looked up from the computer, “not really the time or place, now is it?”
I shrugged as I flipped Ricardo over. I kneeled down to where he was. He had the nerve to touch me. His touch made my entire body shudder, so I stabbed him in the wrist. He cried out letting me go. I knew that I should’ve looked him in the eyes, but I didn’t like his creepy eyes or the way he was still staring at me with pure admiration and adoration. I don’t believe in someone as sick as him being in love with me.
“I did it for this…” I heard him say.
“Shut up,” I said as I was deciding which knife to use first.
“I can’t,” He said, and I growled. “I asked my brother for one thang an’ I promised I’d leave him alone. I wanted one thang. You. He didn’ gimme you, but I wanted you to think of me. That fucker messed up. He didn’t’ leave the apparent clues to get you back to me. We’ve suffered for seven more years on top of the others not seein’ one another. We paid off workers, the hospitals, the coroner and even a judge but you didn’ search. You should have searched for me earlier. I’ve never loved someone as much as I loved you not even your mother. She could never look at me the way you did, she never responded to my touch as good as I knew you could. If only you weren’t taken from me, I would’ve taught you how to accept me. How to love me. Jud-.” He didn’t get to finish his sentence.
I stabbed him in the midsection.
“Don’t you dare fuckin’ say my son’s name out of that despicable mouth of yours! Shut up!” I screamed out.
Ricardo coughed up some blood,
“It no longer matters because I got to see you again. I got to touch you, to see your beautiful face again, those expressive eyes. He could never be you. I tried to replace you but I couldn’, I lov-.” I didn’t let him finish this time, no matter what.
I began stabbing him over and over again. I didn’t even care anymore. Forget the plan, forget the torture. I wanted him to die for changing who I was as a person, for altering my life. He didn’t deserve that kind of power. He was a sick, sick human who didn’t have the right to tell me that he loved me. He didn’t love me, people like him and my mother, don’t know love. I screamed as I stabbed him over and over,
“NO MORE! NO MORE! I NEVER LOVED YOU! I HATE YOU!”I wasn’t sure when he died or when life left his eyes but when I felt my father’s arms around me, I knew I blacked out.
“Shhh, my boy,” He whispered in my ear as he gently brushed my hair back. “It’s done. You’ve got your power back. He can’t ever have it. He doesn’t love you; we love you, Carson. We love you, buddy, your family. You’re safe, you’re okay, you’re not there anymore.”
I didn’t care if anyone called me weak at this moment. I didn’t care about being a big scary man as I sobbed for the little boy inside who lived with monsters and my little boy who was subjected to the same thing because of me. Dad rocked my bloody self-back and forth as I realized what Jude realized with me, I was finally safe… in my father’s arms.
****
Katerina
I couldn’t believe the woman that was right in my face. I was freaked out by how much similar her and Carson looked. As she sat handcuffed on the floor of some hideout that Beau and Carson had, I observed her. I never knew what she looked like, so I never realized that she was the one at the hospital who was dressed as a nurse when she took Jude from my arms except now, there was a slash on her face. Why couldn’t I recognize her then?
I heard buzzing, commotion and all sorts of things but I couldn’t stop trying to get out of my seatbelt. I didn’t feel a thing, all I wanted was Jude. I screamed his name over and over trying to turn to the backseat to see him, but I didn’t see him nor hear him. I fought with my belt until it came off and I landed on the roof of my car which was flipped over. My window was shattered so it made it easier to crawl out through the window. I heard someone yelling at me, asking if I was okay but the world was irrelevant to me. I needed to find my son. I got to my knees checking if he was stuck somewhere but he wasn’t in the car at all.
“Jude! Jude!” I screamed.
I heard whimpering in the background. I stood seeing that the impact threw him out of the car, and he was on the pavement. I ran to him; I knew that something was wrong with me, but I was running on pure adrenaline. When I got to Jude, he looked at me, there was a huge gash starting from his collarbone to his left rib. I cried out.
“Somebody, anybody, please… Call 9-1-1. My baby, my baby…”
“Mama,” Jude called out to me.
“Shhh,” I said not even sure what to do. I shouldn’t have but I took him in my arms. I held him close to me. “Don’t speak. It’s okay. You’re going to be just fine, baby. I promise.” I didn’t believe my words and neither did Jude.
“Mama, I love Daddy, I love you.” He said to me.
“Shhh, baby, please stop. I love you; we love you. That’s all and we are going to all be okay. You’re going to see Daddy later on today. We’re going to see him get drafted. Today is his big day so we’re going to be there. We have to be there for him.”
I cried knowing that we couldn’t, we wouldn’t make it. Carson was given the chance to try-out early, they said he was going to be one of the youngest and most talented football player in his time.
The paramedics had arrived on the scene, I didn’t know who she was at the moment but now I did. I didn’t see it then because of the way she did her make-up and that there wasn’t an apparent slash on her face like there was now. She took Jude out of my hands as I thought she was helping. As they walked away, my car exploded throwing me back a couple of feet back. I didn’t feel anything as my heart went into a panic over my child. I stood running trying to run around the wreckage, but a pedestrian held me back. I screamed and screamed, wanting to get my child. How could this be happening in front of me? I screamed so painfully hard for Jude; I lost all resolve. My world was fading at that time, I didn’t only lose our son Jude that day, I also lost Carson’s future because I couldn’t tell that she was a bad person. That she was a fake.
All of that was gone now. His mother and her husband took Carson’s future away from him and his son, our son.
