Page 55 of Dear, Carson McDermott
I sucked some air in and I swear it sounded like I was hissing. I didn’t think about a damn thing as I took the keys off the table and charged outside. I heard rustling behind me, and I knew Beau was following me. I didn’t care as I jumped into my truck.
“Where are you?”
“Well, I’m at the bar down the road. Mr. O’Dowd lets me come in an’ spend the night ere’ if both MeeMaw and PawPaw are drunk out der minds. I snuck out the windo’ cause PawPaw was hollerin’ and fixin’ to give me a second whoopin’ for causing a ruckus in the mall when I bumped into ya.”
I shut my eyes as I gripped the steering wheel for fear I was going to smash my phone.
“What’s the name of the bar?” I asked, still not able to say his name out loud. I swear I was still dreaming.
“Oh, hold’ on,” I heard muffled conversations in the background and Beau was in the truck with me now, looking at me with a face full of confusion. Then Jude came back.
“He says is called O’Dowd’s.”
“I’m comin’. Don’ go anywhere, ya hear me?” I didn’t mean to sound so stern, but I wanted him to know I was coming.
“Well, I wasn’ goin’ back to the house. I was fixin’ to run away tonigh’ I got enough money saved up from workin’.”
I growled. I threw the phone at Beau who caught it and put it to his ear as I took his phone putting in O’Dowd’s on his GPS.
“Hello?” Beau said into the phone and as soon as he heard who it was, he turned to me with a wide-eyed expression.
“They’re dead.” Was all I said as I put the truck in reverse.
It didn’t occur to me earlier but now it did, I didn’t even bother putting shoes on. I was driving barefoot to get my son, my ten-year-old son who worked at a fucking bar because he wanted to run away from the abusive fucks that took him from me.
Chapter 18
Katerina
I woke up the moment I heard noise coming from downstairs. I shot up out of bed not sure what was happening, I quickly got dressed throwing on one of Carson’s shirts and ran downstairs. My heart couldn’t take any more of what was happening around us. No more surprises. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I saw Beau coming in.
“Where’s Bubba? He’s not in bed. Did he leave?” My heart couldn’t stop beating like crazy.
I really didn’t know what to think at all. Beau didn’t say anything, but he moved out of the way and what I saw had me backing back up the stairs. In Carson’s arms was a boy. He was asleep but my trembling hands recognized him without having to be told who it was. I could never forget what my child looked like. He was mine. I held him in my arms after giving birth to him. I sat down on the stairs as I took in Carson’s appearance as well. He had on his basketball shorts, a tee-shirt, with his hair up and barefoot. His face was unreadable but those eyes, his eyes told me everything. There was anger, sadness, joy and a mixture of all sorts of emotions swimming in those amber eyes.
Carson began walking towards me, every step he took, I felt it in my chest. It was heavy and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as finally, Carson placed Jude in my arms. The moment I held him, I wrapped my arms around him and released a sob that I never knew I could. I held him so close to my heart. There was no other way to describe this but gut-wrenching. I felt like my soul had just been placed back into my body without me begging for it back. Everything that I could ever want was here. I didn’t even hear Carson until he held both me and Jude in his arms.
I knew more people joined us by the gasps, but I couldn’t see or wonder about them.
“Jude,” I cried out. “My baby, Jude. My whole heart.” I cried.
I felt him stirring. I moved his curls out of his face as I kissed his forehead and his hair. My son was here. I cried so much when I lost him, and I wished to never feel that loss again.
****
I refused to go to sleep in my bed without Jude. I couldn’t let him go. I don’t know how tired he was, but he didn’t stir even as I balled my eyes out. I held him so close to me not even knowing when I slept. Carson told me that my family was here and so was my father-in-law. I wanted to see them, but I couldn’t leave Jude. I refused to let him go a second time. I don’t know how long I was asleep unfortunately that sleep didn’t last as I was awakened by a blood curling scream. My body jolted awake, I looked around to see where that was coming from.
It was coming from Jude. He was having a nightmare. He was screaming as though someone was hurting him. Carson ran into the room so fast; I didn’t even realize he wasn’t in there. He quickly climbed on the bed.
“Jude, Jude,” Carson called out to Jude as he gently pulled his hair back.
Jude woke up but he must’ve still been in a daze because he gasped. He scrambled as if trying to run away from someone in front of him. The spot he was in became wet and I knew he pissed his pants.
“I’m sorry, please, don’ hit me,” he whispered as he got into the fetal position.
My heart dropped. I swear everything in me hurt in a way that I couldn’t properly convey. My child was traumatized.
“What do we do?” I faced Carson. He nodded as if knowing what Jude would need right now.
