Page 33 of Dear, Carson McDermott
Was this the moment we were waiting for? For him, to see that I wasn’t going anywhere. I couldn’t tell but the only thing I knew for sure was that now, I was much more determined. Not only did I heart Carson’s call to me, but I accepted it. I wanted his torture, the pain, the anger, the lashing out and the sadness.Give it to me Carson.This time, the demons were quiet, confused as fuck because they didn’t understand my aim, but they didn’t get it because I wasn’t aiming with my mind, I was aiming with my heart. This time I didn’t even have to say it, my heartbeat matched the words.Him. Pain. Him. Torture. Him. Hate.
He seemed to change his mind, there was a shift so quick in his eyes. He knew that I was no longer thinking with my mind but with my heart. It was his, he deserved to have it back and if I had to rip it out of my chest while it bled, I would. I’d hold it preciously in both hands, pass it over to him even as the blood leaked making a mess, pooling around my bare feet.Take the heart Carson, it’s yours. Not if you want it but because you asked for it.Instead of continuing to choke the big guy, he dropped him to the cage floor. He positioned the guy different than he was before, I wondered why, and my curiosity was answered as Carson got on top of the big guy. His fists began going at a speed so fast, I could’ve sworn it was competing with my heartbeat. Each hit harder than the next but that’s not what freaked me out. What got me was that his amber eyes were on me and not his target.
He punched and punched, yet he didn’t waver in the way he watched me. A sick smile formed on his face as he suddenly stopped. I made the mistake of glancing down at why he stopped. The man’s face was so full of blood, I wasn’t sure if he was breathing or not. It was confirmed though as Carson broke the big guy’s neck so easily that out of reaction, my hand went to my neck while the other gripped the cage. I peered into his eyes once more and his lips moved, his words gripped me so hard by the throat, the legs, my heart, and the sickest part was that I loved it. It turned me on. This was what I wanted, what I needed. Those words I would never forget, and he made sure of it.You’re never going to leave me again. You’re mine forever, Lil’ Darlin’.
If Carson knew what he just did, he would’ve believed in himself as much as I did. The demons, my demons cowered further away in the dark corner. Scared because my dark angel was darker than them. He came to get me. The regal way he spread his black wings taking over everything in my mind and protecting me under his wings made me smile at my demons. They could never get to me as long as I was with him.
****
Carson
Hitting that big waste of space was nothing and killing him meant absolutely not a damn thing to me. I hissed as the hot water from the locker room hit the sore spot that the big guy tried to fracture. I rolled my eyes at my movements due to the strength I put behind my punches. I shouldn’t have gone that hard because my fingers were precious to me. These were the reason I made my money and pulled the trigger for the individuals that needed to be dropped in plain sight.
I sighed, finally getting out. I didn’t even think as I did everything on autopilot. I was used to taking care of myself after a fight no matter how hurt I was so when I bypassed Katerina, I hadn’t done it on purpose. None of it registered to me as I dropped my towel, the act of moisturizing my body or even as I re-braided my hair naked as the day I was born. The small gasp came from her mouth the moment I turned around, which alerted me to her presence.
This entire time, she had been sitting down on the bench behind me. Her eyes ventured from my hair all the way down to my dick that decided to get so painfully hard so fast that I almost cussed. I grunted not liking that even it betrayed me like the rest of my body did earlier in the cage. My eyes were the worst because they weren’t supposed to look up at her yet that’s what they did. The intensity in her gaze then was the same one now. I gritted my teeth as I slipped my sweats on ignoring that I couldn’t even fix my shit in peace for fear that if I touched it, I’d want to give her a show.
I slowly and carefully slid into my hoodie. I sat down on the bench trying to put my socks and sneakers on. Katerina kneeled in between my legs making my mind think of pulling my dick out and shoving it down her throat. I shut my eyes not wanting to do this. I tried to focus on the ugliest thing I could think of. How she left me high and dry, but my mind completely ignored that as it brought up an image I hadn’t thought about in a long time.
She was pregnant at the time, maybe about six to seven months and she was dancing, moving her body toCraving youby Thomas Rhett. She looked so damn cute and sexy that I ended up fucking her on our counter. I made sure to of course feed her after that.
The sting caused my body to return to the now. I hissed as I opened my eyes. Katerina was now sitting on the floor Indian style as she tended to my knuckles. I tried to snatch my hand away, but she held firm.
“I’m fine. I’ve been doin’ this without you. I don’ need you,” I said like a petulant child.
This time, when I tried to snatch my hand away. Katerina looked up at me with anger in her eyes.
“Well, now I’m here. You’re not going to be doing this without me anymore, Bubba.” She replied.
I hadn’t really heard my name on her lips, so it shocked me a little bit. I frowned,
“don’t say my name.” I spat.
She huffed. Now, she rolled her eyes at me. She grabbed another cotton from the first aid kit soaked it in alcohol and pressed hard on my knuckles. I sharply inhaled.
“I’ll say your name if I want to, Carson.”
I almost whimpered at the way my name sounded on her tongue. It was beautiful but I held my composure. She must’ve known what it did to me because she smirked as she continued tending to my hand before going to the other one. After a moment of silence, I knew it was time.
“We need to talk,” I said as she bandaged up my hand.
Katerina paused.
“About what?”
“About why you thought it was okay to leave me when you gave me your word.”
Katerina glanced up at me. It was time we acted like the adults that we’ve grown to be. Not just for our sake but for the sake of what we lost, for Jude.
****
Throughout the entire ride, Katerina was silent. I looked out the passenger’s side of the window as she drove us back to my house. I didn’t feel like telling her the directions, so I turned my GPS on. Lana Dey Rey played softly in the background as I laid my head on the window. I sighed not able to hold back anymore,
“Why’d you do it?” I asked. I shut my eyes not ready but ready to hear her answers.
“I,” she started. She cleared her throat. “I think we should talk about this when we get home.”
I should’ve objected but I didn’t. I let her slip of the tongue go. She didn’t have a choice anyway; her home was where I was now. Whether she came willingly or not. She was my prisoner and it would always be this way. I was her home.
