Page 54 of Dear, Carson McDermott
“Baby, please…” She begged me. She was crying again.
I laid my forehead on the wall,
“I swore I would never make you cry. I made you a promise an’ I fuckin’ broke it.” I tried clearing my throat so that my voice would stop breaking but there was just so much turmoil in me. “I did this to us. I couldn’ protect you or our Jude. I let em’ do this to us. I’m so sorry, darlin’. Fuck!” I screamed as I hit the wall once more.
“My Bubba,” Katerina’s sweet voice called out to me. I felt her lips on my back. “No, you didn’t make me cry. You didn’t do anything but love me and Jude. You did your best. We won’t let them hurt us again, baby. I won’t allow them to do this to you. To make you like this. Look at me,” she softly said.
It took me a minute but when I faced her, her eyes widened from the tears on my face. The last time she saw me cry was Jude’s funeral. She stood on the tips of her toes while I leaned down closer to her so she could touch my face. The moment her hand made contact with my cheek, I shut my eyes. I leaned into her touch,
“I’m so sorry,” I said one more time. I knew which Carson this was. This was the one who was abused for years as a child and all he could do was blame himself and apologize. I thought I got rid of him, but he was just hiding like he always did.
“Don’t you dare apologize. Open your eyes, look at me Carson, please.” I could never make this woman beg me for anything. I opened my eyes meeting her that reminded me of the first time she told me she loved me. “We, you and I are going to bring our child back home. He is ours, not theirs. They don’t get to touch my child or kidnap him. We are McDermott’s, ya hear me? We will eviscerate them, show them that we have no mercy and there are no second chances. We don’t wait for karma because we are fucking karma. You hear me?”
I sniffled, as she wiped the tears from my eyes. I did the same to her then I sighed, forgetting about my bloodied knuckles. I pressed my forehead on hers.
“I hear you. Everything ends. I am revenge.”
****
I don’t know how or when I fell asleep, but the constant ringing of my phone woke me up. I didn’t want to pick it up, but I moved away from Katerina and reached out for it on the nightstand. I looked down at the missed calls, I had about fifteen of them and as I was about to call the number back, the number popped up on my phone again.
“Hello?” I picked up.
“You’re my father, aren’ you?” A small voice came through, and I was shook.
There those tremors were again. I needed to get my shit together. It was silent for so long, I thought he hung up. I cleared my throat,
“Hello? Hello?” I said one more time.
I stood from my bed not even aware that I was getting dressed as I made up my mind. No more. I was getting my child no matter what. I didn’t care if Ricardo or that hateful woman knew of my presence. I didn’t care about it all. I wanted my child.
“I’m here,” His little voice came through as a whisper. “I saw you first, ya know. PawPaw and MeeMaw leave me outside a lot while she’s gettin’ er’ hair done so I watch, ya know. I observe. I saw you following’ PawPaw but then you turned my way and I recognized ya from the pictures on the internet.”
I was shocked.
“You know me?”
He giggled and I swear I fell in love with his little giggle. I fell to my knees clutching my chest because I couldn’t believe that I was hearing my son again. I thought I would never hear him again. I thought that we lost him for forever.
“Course I know who you are,” he said.
“How?” I couldn’t even finish my sentence.
“How did I get ya number? I stole your wallet when I ran into you and I was hopin’ for a card or somethin’ which ya had. I did it on purpose. I knew I wasn’t wron’. I memorized every single feature on your face. There’s no way that I was wron’.”
I heard him sniffling and I ached to comfort him.
“I’m comin’ to get you. Where are you?”
“Huh?” He asked. “Ya really wan’ me? Ya don’ wan’ me to fuck off?”
I narrowed my eyes at his foul language. Who the fuck was cussin’ around my child?
“Where’d you learn to cuss that way? And who talked to you that way? Who told you that I wouldn’ want you?”
I stood again not wanting to wake Katerina up. I exited the room and made my way downstairs.
“Well, Mee-maw said that’s why I’m with ‘er and PawPaw. She said y’all were busy wit’ life and I needed to never bother wit y’all. But I couldn't’ resist. I saw you today and I jus’ wanted to meet you. That’s all. Please don’ be mad. Don’ tell em’ or PawPaw is gon’ lock me up in the dark closet again.”
