Page 26 of Dear, Carson McDermott
Katerina
Through the whole ride, I didn’t say a word. Tony called us an uber and I was silent. I didn’t even know what to say to him. I was nervous as hell because what could I say not to have my entire family hate me too. Tony hadn’t said a word to me either. He just walked off and I followed. I felt like an outsider even from my own twin. I thought back to the way Carson yelled my name out. It took everything in me not to run towards him. I almost broke down and cried. I wanted to run away too but Tony held me in place and when Carson turned to face me, I knew I had lost all of him. That rage, the one he never truly directed towards me was all for me now.
When he began walking towards me, I knew for certain he was going to kill me but instead the closer he got, I shut my eyes. I couldn’t do it. I froze when he brushed by me. I don’t think he meant to do that, but I felt his suited covered arm brush mine. Goosebumps appeared and I knew that he affected me in more ways than one. He was gorgeous from his well-maintained beard, those same amber eyes that now held more rage than anything else and how well he wore that all black tie-less suit. I wondered what he did now or where he was going but I knew I had no right to his life or to ask.
His words still got to me.
No! Fuck her, Tony, fuck her.
I shuddered at the emotion that he held in his words. The hate that seeped right through them. I shouldn’t have left, but I had to. If I ever wanted to be myself again, I had to go. I just wish I didn’t do it in such a selfish way.
****
When we arrived at Tony’s hotel, he still didn’t talk. I sighed knowing that soon enough, I would have to leave him alone too. I was sure he hated me just as much. I saw the disappointment in his eyes, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. He didn’t push me away when I followed him in, going into the elevator with him and then when we entered his room, I knew why he let me follow him. I gasped when I saw my father coming from a hall in the room. My father froze dropping the phone he had in his hands when his eyes landed on. I couldn’t move either. I don’t remember ever seeing my father cry but today, at this moment, he did.
“My baby,” was all that he said before he walked towards me.
He pulled me into a hug that I didn’t know I’d needed from him. I wrapped my arms around his waist, not able to hold back my ugly cry. I bawled like the biggest baby ever.
“Daddy, I’m so sorry.”
“Shhh,” my dad shushed hugging me tighter. He kissed the top of my head just like he used to do, “It’s okay baby. Just as long as you’re here. I get my baby back. I love youcarina, don’t ever forget that.”
His nickname for me caused me to cry harder. He shushed me not saying a word until I quieted down.
After I did, he let me go out of his arms, but he wiped my tears away. He tilted his head at me just watching me as if I would disappear out of his arms. I would never leave his arms again.
“I’m sorry,” I said one more time. I knew that my apology would never change things, but this was all I had to offer.
“It’s okaycarina, I’ve forgiven you a long time ago. All I wanted was my daughter back and for her to be back in one piece. I couldn’t have asked for anything else.”
“Does mommy hate me?” I asked. Afraid of his answer.
“No, she doesn’t,” he responded as he smiled at me.
“She’s on her way here on the jet, I told the whole family,” Tony said from behind me.
This was the first time he spoke since he laid his eyes on me.
I took a deep breath and turned to face him.
“I’m sorry that I left and hurt you, Tony. You’re my twin, I shouldn’t have kept away from you especially.”
Tony shook his head,
“You shouldn’t have left. We all would’ve helped you. We would’ve pitched in, in any way, we knew how. Anything you needed; we would’ve given to you.”
I nodded. I understood what he was saying.
“I get it. I’m sorry I hurt everyone. I just hope that my apology and me being here can show how much I regret leaving.”
Tony didn’t say anything. Instead, he showed me how much he missed me by hugging me tightly. I forgot how warm his hugs always were.
“Don’t ever fucking do that again. I won’t forgive you another time. I swear to you Kitty,” He said, and I knew he was serious.
“I understand, Antonio.”
He grunted as a reply and kissed the top of my head like our dad just did.
