Page 1 of Dear, Carson McDermott
Prologue
Katerina
“I’m sorry that it took me so long to see you.” Those were the only words that I could get out before I busted into tears and gently placed the flowers down on his grave.
I couldn’t believe that it took me so long to come here, but I couldn’t before. My heart was too broken. I didn’t want to face reality; I didn’t want to forget his beautiful face. My entire being couldn’t live without him, yet here I was, seven years later . . . back to the first time my heart broke. Seeing his name written in cursive on his tombstone did not help either.
“I never forgot about you. There wasn’t a time that I didn’t think about you, my sweet everything. I will always keep you in here.” I pointed to my heart.
The sound of a car had me turning to face a black truck that was pulling up to the cemetery. I looked back at the tombstone one more time, vowing to always come back and keep him company.
I ran behind a big tree that hid me well, I couldn’t run away because there was a feeling deep within me. If I moved, I’d get caught byhim.Exiting the truck, my mind was hit by the view of my own twin. I took a deep breath; it had been so long since I stood face to face with him. I smiled at how he grew out a beard now. A low trimmed one. He reminded me of Dad and my heart ached at how much I missed my parents. Then I turned and saw the other person who exited the car with him, I got distracted from the hollow feeling as I sawhimagain. My Husband, Carson McDermott.
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I hadn’t seen him in the last seven years, so him being here shocked me. I knew why I left, why I ran away from him. From those eyes that reminded me of what we lost. Eyes so full of life, full of joy, the little laughter I would never hear again.
He was gone and I couldn’t get him again.
Carson and I had something that we shared but now it was gone.
It pained me to see him now. His amber eyes, his laughter, his touch. All the possible ways I missed him came crashing back so hard, so violently.
We tried; we really did. We were grateful for the three years that we shared with Jude, but it hurt too much, all of it.
We were too young to take care of Jude, too young and trustworthy of those around us.
We should’ve known that he would be taken from us. Ripped out of our hands as though he deserved it when he didn’t. None of us did yet look at us now, confronted by our past.
One that started off with love and ended in an explosive tragedy.
With the loss of our son Jude, we lost our hearts, our love, our everything.
PART ONE: Ten Years Ago
Chapter 1
Katerina
I knew that my last name put fear in a lot of men. It wasn’t my fault that I was born into this family, nor did I regret it, but it made some boys piss their pants. They wouldn’t look me in the eye, neither would they even want to ask me out anymore. If that wasn’t enough, my twin brother, that asshole, had no problem chasing them away. Just like he did right now. It was senior year and I wanted to be asked to prom, but this douche bag chased James Love away. I was livid as I slammed my locker as hard as I could.
“Don’t be mad Kitty Kat,” he tried to coax me with my nickname.
I turned to face him. We looked exactly alike from our curly dark brown hair that sometimes looked black, our dimples, the shape of our eyes, eyebrows, the size of our lips, both of our bottom lips were bigger than the upper, and as we got older our skin became more olive toned. That’s where the similarities stopped though. I was stuck at five feet while my twin grew to six feet in our senior year. He had blue eyes like our father while mine were light brown, like Mama’s. He kept his curly hair shoulder length while I let mine grow until it hit the middle of my back. He joined the football team and I was in the band.
“Honestly Tony, I could kick your ass right now!” I screeched.
He snickered; I narrowed my eyes at him causing him to clear his throat.
“What kind of name is James Love anyways, huh?” He shrugged as if he did me a favor. I rolled my eyes hard, trying not to throw my backpack at him.
“Wait until I tell Papa that I caught you with Lynn in your room,” I teased.
His eyes grew as wide as saucers. He knew the rules, but he bribed me not to tell. They weren’t doing anything but making out, but I knew that it wasn’t their first time together. Was I grossed out? Yes, but I wasn’t surprised, because all these girls flocked to my brother not only because of his blue eyes and tanned skin, but also the fact that his last name promised some danger. I opened my mouth to threaten him some more but then a voice that I tried to always ignore interrupted us.
“Di’Maggio!” he yelled out.
He was CarsonBubbaMcDermott. The country boy that moved from Tennessee sophomore year and now was best friends with my twin. He acted just like Tony, chasing every boy away from me. It pissed me off, especially when I was trying my best to no longer have a crush on him. I scowled when he made it to where I stood with my brother. Those weird amber-colored eyes always got to me. They seemed to suck the life out of me even when I tried to avoid him at all costs. He was beautiful in his own way. He was taller than Tony, about six feet and four inches, two-hundred and twenty pounds, the star quarterback at our high school and features like a damn runway model. His jaw was impeccably cut, his body a work of art with not only tattoos on his hands and fingers, but also tribal tattoos, courtesy of his half Polynesian side, specifically Samoan on his left arm and his legs. My favorite thing about him was his hair; it was long, curly, thick and dark brown. He was the opposite of any boy that I would ever look at.
