Page 13 of Marriage Ever After
I tilted my head.
“Not much. Just work.”
Kash was visibly trembling at this point, the rage must’ve been on ten today.
“Work,” he bit out harshly. “You took off work because Cherise wasn’t going to be here today, and I had court until later today. How could you forget, Mila?”
“I didn’t forget anything.” I snapped at him. My mood changing so fast, I was dizzy.
“YOU FORGOT OUR DAUGHTER! MILA! You left my child crying for hours while they tried to reach not just you but for me. I didn’t know until Jamie came to the courthouse and told me that my FUCKING child hadn’t been picked up for hours. Larissa and Channing aren’t in town so they couldn’t even be there. How could you! Mila.”
Kash exploded and the moment he did, I didn’t know what to do. I began crying not sure what to do. Kash blinked rapidly confused by my outburst. He took a step back as he watched me not sure if he should touch me or not.
“I think something is wrong, Kash. Something is wrong with me.” I just let loose. “Everything is making me sad. I hate my life, myself. I don’t know why Jordy doesn’t need me anymore. She can do everything by herself. She only wants to do things with you!” I harshly said to him. “You’re ruining my life. You’re the problem! You don’t love me, Kash. You hate me and it’s all your fault.”
“What?” He was visibly confused. Gone was the anger and here to stay was confusion. He looked at me like I was crazy.
I stood from the couch.
“Don’t fucking look at me like that Kash. You did this on purpose. You got me pregnant just because you wanted another baby. You wanted this to happen. Well, guess what, I’m not keeping it. I don’t want this baby! I don’t want it! I don’t want it! I want an abortion!” I screamed out.
I gasped at my outburst. There was something definitely wrong with me. This wasn’t me.
Kash stood in front of me, shocked to his core then his eyes moved from me to behind me. I turned seeing Jordan’s fear-stricken face as she watched me act like a madwoman in front of her father.
“Jordy… Baby, Mommy’s sorry for yelling.”
I took a step towards Jordan and she ran past me hiding behind her father’s leg. I blinked. Not sure what was happening. I looked up at Kash, he watched me cautiously as he calmed Jordan by stroking her hair.
“Kash…something’s wrong.” I began crying.
I shut my eyes and then I felt his strong arms around me as he held me.
“Shhh, bunny. I know, I know. We’ll find out what’s wrong okay?” He soothed me. He kissed my head and rubbed my back. “Please, don’t cry, bunny. Shhh, it’s okay.”
Chapter Five
Kash
Perinatal Mood Disorder.
It was like postpartum, except this could happen when your child is four years old. For Mila, Jordan is five. There aren’t enough research done that could conclude and help besides the obvious, therapy and medication. Mila had been going five years undiagnosed and now, the severity of it escalated.
After doing the proper tests and anxiously waiting as Mila got a psychiatrist, we finally found out what was going on or rather wrong with her as she said. My heart ached for her, all the fight left my body when she first told me that she was pregnant in an outburst and on top of that, she wanted an abortion. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t force her to keep this baby but at the same time, I knew that the moment she got the abortion, I would be done. It tore me apart because she was the love of my life and the only woman that I saw having the next Emerson clan.
I waited in the waiting room while she had her now weekly sessions. Things were harder now because I didn’t want to keep Jordan from her but after that outburst, Jordan was cautious around her mother. I know that Mila noticed because I heard her crying in her room, I wanted to go inside and soothe her pain, but she would lock the door as if she was afraid of me. I knew her nightmares had gotten worse because I heard her screaming out at night for her momma but all I could do was sit there and wait outside the door until she fell back asleep. I wanted to comfort my wife but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. I had no choice but to wait until she was ready for me to do just that.
We had yet to talk about what we were going to do with the pregnancy. The receptionist called my name getting my attention.
“Sorry?” I knew I didn’t hear a damn word.
“Dr. Harrison says you can come in now.”
“Thanks.”
I knew that this was important not just for Mila but for our entire family. I couldn’t save us all alone, we had to do it together. Her psychiatrist told her that having a family at her sessions and involving them would help her.
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