Page 8 of Marriage Ever After
Every time I was around, Jordan called me about a thousand times in a minute.
“Yes, sweetheart…”
“I saw mommy crying.”
I shut my eyes, clenching my teeth. I bowed my head, what the fuck was I doing to my family?
“When did you see mommy cry?”
“At Auntie Rissy’s house, she was hiding in the bathphroom and she was like…” Usually, I laugh at the way, Jordan pronounced bathroom because it’s cute but right now, I couldn’t. She imitated the way her mother sobbed, and it gripped my heart.
Jordan wasn’t making fun of her mother but showing me how her mother was crying. I turned to see the sad expression on my little girl’s face. She wasn’t eating her breakfast anymore, instead, she was staring at me as if she knew that I was the cause of her mother’s pain.
“I’m sorry that you had to see mommy crying like that. Did it make you sad?”
Jordan’s lower lip trembled, and she began to actually cry as she nodded.
“Yes, I’m sad cause Mommy is sad. Can I make her a picture at school today? I want mommy to laugh.” She cried even harder. Fuck.
I went over and picked Jordan out of her special seat holding her to me as she held onto me tight. I patted her back soothing her.
“Shhh, baby, don’t be sad. Daddy will make it better, he always does, doesn’t he?”
Jordan nodded.
“Yes, daddy.”
I turned my head kissing the side of her face.
“Hey, hey, don’t be sad okay? Daddy did something to make mommy sad and he’s going to make it better. We can draw mommy a picture together when you come back from school, how’s that?”
This got Jordan to stop crying. She lifted her little head to look me in the eye, I smiled at her wiping her tears. She smiled at me reminding me of Mila’s smile. Jordan hugged me tightly.
“Okay, daddy.”
I kissed her little shoulder,
“good. Now, let’s get you off to school so you can draw one special picture and then we’ll do one together. We can hang it up in your room, would you like that?”
“Mmhmm.” She nodded her head.
What was I doing to my family? Was I turning into my father? I hope not.
Mila
I missed the hell out of Kash and Jordan. I rubbed a hand over my face again for the umpteenth time. Here I was missing someone I was supposed to be upset at, yet I didn’t want to be without. What the hell was going on with me. I barely slept through the weekend and now, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. When I first started packing, I knew what I was going to do. Leave Kash. But now, I was confused.
I just wanted my husband back. The man that spent his nights with me made sure that I was good above all else and when he needed me, he gave me the opportunity to be there. That was my problem. I missed being his best friend and woman that he loved. If this was something new, maybe I wouldn’t have reacted like this, but this wasn’t new. This had been going on for months on end. I tried to talk, to listen and be attentive to Kash but he was changing. The biggest argument that we had right before my birthday, I remember it as clear as though it happened a few hours ago.
“Mila!” Kash had yelled out my name. “I’m serious. I want another baby. Jordan is five now.”
He had just changed into his silk pajama pants that hung low on his body showing off his entire torso that was covered in ink art. No one knew how many tattoos Kash really had because he covered it up really well especially in court but once he wore a short-sleeve or removed his shirt, the body art was on display. He had a tribal tattoo covering up half of the right side of his chest, going over his shoulder and extending to the back. He had giant wings on his back and in the middle, it was my name and Jordan’s, he left the space for the other kids we were going to have. His lower torso had another tribal tattoo that was enticing that you had no choice but to look at it. His tribal tattoo extended to his sleeve on the right side that stopped mid-arm and on his left hand, he had roses with blackthorns, his mom’s favorite flowers.
I had laughed because I thought he was joking but clearly that hurt his feelings because he was staring at me like I had lost my mind.
“But… I mean, not right now, Kash. I just got my promotion.”
Kash stared at me for so long, you would think he zoned out.
