Page 27 of Marriage Ever After
After Mila was done talking, Dr. Harrison looked at us for a moment then she spoke up.
“Mila, was your mom ever properly diagnosed or even at all?”
Mila shook her head.
“No, none that I know of.”
Dr. Harrison nodded.
“I don’t know exactly what she could’ve been suffering or rather enduring because she isn’t here where I could speak with her but I will say all those symptoms that you said your mother was exhibiting, you aren’t so we don’t have to worry about that but Mila, have you ever thought about what made you blackout like that when it came to your stepfather? Has that ever happened again?”
Mila shook her head.
“No. That was the only time it happened. I’ve never blacked out after that.”
Dr. Harrison nodded.
“Okay, we’ll continue to observe your behavior and everything else, but I don’t think you’ll get another episode like that either since it’s been years.” Then she turned to face me, “Kash, you’re usually quiet in the majority of our sessions and on edge but you’re a bit more talkative today plus, your leg is bouncing up and down like before. What changed?”
Did this woman ever miss a thing?
I gave her a polite smile.
“Well, I guess spending three days behind bars courtesy of your father helps you realign a bunch of shit in your head that was misplaced for years.”
Dr. Harrison tilted her head,
“you want to elaborate, or should we move on, up to you, Kash.”
I looked at Mila for a second and she smiled at me. She squeezed my hand as she pulled it up and planted a kiss on the back of it. I took a deep breath facing Dr. Harrison again.
“For those three days, all I could think about was that my family was falling apart. I was terrified that Mila would turn out like my mother and abandon our kids. I didn’t want our children to ever go through that. That’s why although I was very upset at her for considering the abortion, I didn’t push her or try to persuade her decision on what she could do.”
“Wait,” Dr. Harrison interrupted. “Tell me, how did that make you feel? Mila mentioned to me briefly over the phone what happened. What was going through your mind?”
I gritted my teeth thinking about that moment for a second.
“I was disappointed, in Mila. I mean I totally got why she did what she did. I know that I didn’t really give her a chance to come to me about what she wanted to do. What made it worse was that she knew what I would’ve done had she gotten the abortion. I’ve always tried my best to be honest with her because I didn’t want her to ever question my actions or the words that I’ve said to her. Through all that, one thing I would’ve appreciated was her calling me and wanting me to be there for her. Before I’m her husband, I’m her best friend. I’m the man that vowed my life to hers. I admit I don’t listen a lot of times, but I’m trying here. I’m trying to make sure that she doesn’t feel like I would’ve abandoned her.” I turned to face Mila, “I’m so sorry baby, that I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t see the turmoil you were going through because I was so caught up in my own shit.”
Mila’s face softened,
“Oh, Kash. It’s not just you, it’s my fault too. I should’ve never done it without you. When I went there with Rissa, I looked around and when I got in the exam room, it felt wrong. I didn’t have you there and this isn’t just my baby, it’s yours too. We’re in this together. It’s not going to be easy for either one of us, it’s really not but we’re trying, right?”
I smiled at Mila,
“hell yeah!”
Mila
I watched as Kash continued to pour his soul out to Dr. Harrison, it made me wonder how much he was thinking about in that cell. I listened to him as he brought up his father.
“I think it’s time I stop avoiding him and talk to him,” he looked up at Dr. Harrison.
“Why do you think it’s important for you to do that, Kash?”
Kash ran a hand through his hair.
“Because, I’ve harbored too much in me when it comes to him. He won’t ever change. I’m thirty-two years old and I’m still worried about what he thinks on certain things. I wanted him to accept my family but now, I realize I don’t need him. I don’t need his approval anymore. If I don’t stop now, it’ll be too late soon.”
