Page 12 of Marriage Ever After
“I’m going to the guestroom.”
Kash shut his eyes and ran a hand over his face.
“Baby, what is happening to us?”
His question weighed on me like crazy. Lately, all I wanted to do was cry.
“I don’t know, Kash.”
I turned to leave and the defeat in his voice had me weak in my knees.
“It feels like I’m losing you, bunny. I can’t lose you. Please, tell me how to make it right. I’d do anything for you. You know that right, bunny? I love you, Mils. I’ll always love you. I’m never going anywhere you don’t want me to go.”
I sighed. I reached out for the doorknob holding firm knowing that I wanted to run to my husband but at the same time, I was just so damned sad.
“Kash, please.”
“Do you love me, Mila? Do you still love me?”
At his question, I turned to face him. He was still lying in bed looking straight at the closet entry and not at me.
“I’ll always love you, Kash.”
“So then, why? Why is everything falling apart? This isn’t us.”
This brought my spirits down even more. His words were shackling me, and I didn’t understand why.
“I don’t know Kash.”
I wanted to repeat that he needed to listen again, but I was tired of sounding like a broken record. I left the room and cried my way into the guestroom.
****
That night, I didn’t fall asleep as good as I wished I could. This wasn’t a one-day thing, instead, it became a month where I couldn’t find myself in my husband’s arms. I just couldn’t make myself go back to him I didn’t know what was wrong with me or what was going on. I was just sad all the time, I wanted to cry and the only thing that gave me focus was work. Even when it came to being with Jordan, I wasn’t as playful as I used to be. The nightmares that I kept having made my days harder to concentrate. They became relentless ever since my birthday and when everything unfolded. I didn’t know what was going on with me. I felt on edge like the big monster from my dream would come out and devour me.
I bounced my leg up and down as I waited for the doctor to come back in the room for my results. Something was wrong with me. I don’t know if it was physically or emotionally, but I was losing weight, I wasn’t hungry anymore and all I wanted to do was be sad and alone in my room.
“Mrs. Emerson,” my doctor finally walked back in and sat down at his desk. “Congratulations, you’re pregnant but we do need to double-check your blood and sugar levels. You’re losing a lot of weight and that will be a concern for the baby. Definitely getting those prenatal vitamins will help too.”
After that, I didn’t hear a word he said. All I heard was a loud ringing in my ear as his mouth continued to move yet I didn’t hear anything else. I stood walking out of his office, not even paying attention to what was going on.
My day continued on as I was on autopilot. Nothing made sense to me when I got home, I sat there staring blankly at the tv in the living room. When did I even get here? I looked down at my outfit, when did I change?
I heard a door slam in the background. Kash was home but I couldn’t get myself up to hide out in my room but clearly, I didn’t have to because he stomped up and stood in front of me with a red-faced Jordan. I blinked at our daughter. Where was she this whole time? Was she with Cherise?
“Jordy, baby, go upstairs and wait for daddy in your room while I talk to mommy. Can you do that for me, big girl?”
Jordan’s tears fell down her face. She looked at her father then at me.
“Yes, daddy. Mommy, where were you? I waited for you.” She began crying again.
“On second thought,” Kash picked up Jordan and walked off with her but before he was out of earshot, I heard him. “We’ll talk.”
Talk about what?
I didn’t even know how long it took until Kash came back. He stood in front of me, his face was so full of anger, I wasn’t sure what happened this time.
“What did you do with your day today?” He asked.
