Page 93 of Echos and Empires
Emma stroked Ranger’s fur, listening to the hollow echo of her breathing. Her men would come back. They wouldn’t leave her like this, carrying their babies and ready to begin the nextphase of their lives. She tried to push the fear aside, but it slunk back, creeping through her like the chill of the cave.
Each moment seemed to stretch endlessly, and she fought against the growing panic.
They are all going to come back.
The darkness pressed in, suffocating her hope. She drew her knees to her chest, wishing for their familiar voices, their warmth beside her.
There was a moment when she thought she heard footsteps, a brief flutter of hope. But it was just the trickling of water further back in the cave growing slightly louder. Emma’s nerves frayed at the edges, unraveling with the quiet. The unknown hung over her, a specter of doubt. They were risking everything, risking their lives, and all she could do was sit in this cave and wait. Wait and hope. Wait and fear. The weight of it bore down, threatening to crush her.
Her heart thundered in her chest, a wild drumbeat of terror. She pressed a hand to her belly, feeling the life within her, grounding herself in that connection. Maybe her men were hurt. Maybe they were dead. Maybe she’d never know. She refused to think that way. She wouldn’t let herself imagine it. It wasn’t her men she didn’t trust; it was the world. It was herself.
She’d learned how to fight, how to protect herself. Bash and Chris had taught her well. But no training could prepare her for this waiting, this agony of not knowing. She had killed a man once. Emma had thought it would get easier after that. She had been wrong. It had only gotten harder, knowing just how far she could go, just what she was capable of. She was different now. She was less afraid of the world and more afraid of herself.
The sounds of the cave taunted her, filling her head with every possible disaster.
“They will come back,” she told herself again, her voice trembling in the stillness. She clung to the thought, a lifeline inthe darkness. She couldn’t let herself believe anything else. Not now. Not when she had promised herself that she could do this.
Drawing in a deep breath, Emma tried to calm her racing heart, to still the way it seemed like she needed to jump out of her skin. Each second dragged on, torturous and slow. The isolation wrapped around her, and she tried to shake it off. They would come back for her, for the babies, for all of them. She wouldn’t give in to despair. She refused to let it swallow her whole.
She tried to be hopeful, to appreciate that the danger was to protect their family. The best she could do was let her mind focus on her babies. Emma smiled, imagining Liam’s goofy grin when she revealed the names, his ridiculous joy. Would Chris try to act cool, pretending he didn’t care until he let down his guard? Would William hide a quiet, secret smile? Would Bash look the other way to keep his toughness? And Alex? She had no clue how Alex would react, probably find a way to turn the names into puns. She could only imagine the ways they might show her they cared.
“Should I name them?” She looked at Ranger who merely lifted his ears in response. “Well, not name them, but think of suggestions in case none of guy’s have.”
What if it was a boy?
Ethan, strong and resolute, someone who could stand tall in the face of danger. Someone who could survive this awful world. Someone she could not lose.
And a girl?
Sophie, the a name felt full of grace and strength. A daughter who would make it no matter what. Who could survive even this—especially this?
Okay, and what if it’s two of each?
Despite the scans, they’d all agreed not to learn the genders, leaving it to be a wonderful surprise when she delivered them.
Emma bit her lower lip. She’d never considered how hard it could be to create entire identities for people who were not yet even alive to need them. She let her gaze unfocus as she thought of all the people she’d known in her life and stopped herself from choosing.
“I think I’ll see if they have names they want to honor.” A small smile grew and somehow she seemed less afraid with the goal in mind of her men sharing names when this damn war was over. “Ethan, Sophie,” Emma whispered the names to herself, letting them calm her racing mind.
She smiled, just a little. It was the only part of this that she had any control over. The only thing that seemed sure. Imagining it gave her hope, gave her strength. It was the thing she could focus on instead of how afraid she was. It was the thing she could focus on instead of what it would mean to lose.
Her thoughts turned to the life they might have. Not just the names, but everything about them. She couldn’t stop herself from imagining, even when she knew she shouldn’t. Ethan would be brave. A leader. Not afraid to take risks. She hoped he would take after Chris. Or Bash. Sophie would be strong. Clever. The kind of person who found her own way, like Alex and William and Liam. Emma let herself imagine this even when she knew she shouldn’t. Let herself picture more than one, even when she knew she might not get any.
“And what if the boy’s don’t make it?” The words made her stomach flip and her vision blur just speaking them aloud, the thought that wouldn’t let up.
She had to believe that they would. She had to believe that they wouldn’t leave her here like this, leave her without knowing what happened to them. It was the same kind of belief that let her start thinking of names in the first place. It was the same kind of belief that let her keep going when she wanted to give up.
The babies gave her strength. Made her want to fight even harder. Made her want to survive long enough to give them those names and the life that went with them. She wouldn’t give up. Not on the babies. Not on the men. Not on this life they were building, even when it seemed like it was crumbling around her.
There was a fierce determination in her, even as the darkness crept in. A wildness that refused to let her lose hope. She had asked the men to do this for her. She had been the one to tell them they could do it. She had to believe it. Had to believe in them as much as she believed in herself.
Emma clung to the names, to the idea of Ethan and Sophie and the life they would have. She refused to think about the alternatives. Refused to let herself go there, even when she had so much reason to. It was her belief that held everything together. Her refusal to give in.
Ranger’s low growl snapped her out of her thoughts, a guttural vibration that sent shivers down her spine. She stiffened, senses straining against the quiet, waiting for any sign. Any sound. The stillness had shifted, turned menacing, and Emma knew something was wrong. Her hand went to Ranger, fingers curling in his fur, seeking reassurance. It wasn’t the same emptiness she had been so afraid of. This was something else. This was a different kind of fear.
Her instincts screamed at her to run, to hide, to do anything but sit still. But Emma had been here before. She had learned how to trust herself, how to rely on more than just the men. How to rely on more than just her body. She steadied her breathing, calming the wild pounding in her chest. There was nothing to see. No sign of movement in the darkness. But she could feel it. She could feel everything.
Ranger tensed against her, growling louder, and it fueled her fear. She scanned the shadows, recalling every lesson Chris and Bash had drilled into her. Move. Don’t wait. Always be ready.She didn’t have to think about them. She didn’t have to be this afraid. She was different now, and she wouldn’t let fear take over.
