Page 31 of A Convenient Secret
He was probably just studying my crooked nose,while naïve me thought that a man like Declan could ever want a girl like me.
When I saw him in the tux earlier, oozing power and sex appeal, I realized how unattainable he was. My body can tingle all it wants, but he’s all man and dominance, and I’m just a girl with very little experience. I can’t possibly attract him.
“You really never asked them?” I ask, because talking about his kids is safe territory. Also because I don’t want to leave.
Perhaps it’s the whiskey, but my legs feel heavy. Rooted beside him.
Also, I’m homeless. In the madness of adjusting to the childcare demands, I forgot to call Cora to arrange a sleepover.
While I was in the shower this morning, Mrs. Whitaker broke into my room and packed my things. Not a difficult task, since I only have one suitcase and a box of personal things I accumulated since I arrived.
Both are now stored in the closet in Declan’s entry hall. I don’t want him to see me dragging those out. I should have taken care of that earlier. Before the school run. What was I even doing?
“Every time a nanny left, I was overwhelmed. Between the search for a new one, juggling the schedule…” He looks at me now, and it’s jarring.
His gaze is soft, and there is so much pain in hisexpression. He really believes he’s been failing as a father.
He shrugs. “I just assumed it’s a phase.”
“I’m sure the new nanny is really good.”
“You’re really good at this. I didn’t even realize I should tell them they get a new teacher in Grade One. Fuck, I didn’t even know they were attached to the current one.”
“Declan.” I sigh, wanting to give him a hug, to make him smile. Anything to make his anguish go away.
He makes a sound between a groan and a choke, like his name on my lips gives him pain. I guess I shouldn’t be this familiar with him.
“After their mother left them, I just focused on handling it all, keeping them alive and safe, but mostly keeping myself sane. My work gives me sanity, so I tried to schedule my kids around my work. How pathetic is that?”
His admission puzzles me. This man who is so formidable—successful, accomplished, confident, and often aloof—offered me a glimpse of his softer side. A side that worries, that cares, that loves.
I wish he hadn’t done that. I wish I could still pretend he is an arrogant bastard who doesn’t even acknowledge my presence most of the time. And he is all of that, but now I see him ina different light.
I wish I didn’t.
“You’re here every morning and cook them breakfast. You could easily leave that to your housekeeper like many fathers in your position would do. And you try to be here every evening.”
He looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
“Okay, you didn’t manage this week, but your housekeeper told me that that’s the exception, not the rule.” I smile, and he looks away.
“Now you’re just making me feel better.”
“Don’t be modest. It doesn’t suit you.” I throw his words back at him, and a rare but very real smile twitches his lips.
“Touché.” He stands up. “I’m going to get a refill. Do you want one?”
“I’ll share yours.” The words are out before I can stop them. What’s wrong with me?
He narrows his eyes but smirks. “Okay.”
I fully expect him to come back with two glasses, but he doesn’t. He takes a sip and passes me the glass, sitting beside me again.
I was surprised when he did it earlier. He could have just sent me home, but it felt like he needed company. God knows, I welcome some too. Especially if it comes with the side of his velvety timbre.
“I don’t mean to pry, but where is their mother?” I take a generous sip and start coughing.
Declan takes the glass from me. “Careful there, Seagull.”
