Page 137 of A Convenient Secret
“That’s my fucking job.”
“Is it? Because I don’t think it applies to fakewives.” Not my finest moment, but the man is pushing all my buttons.
“Lily.” Warning rings in his voice.
“I wanted to protect you from the deadly family politics of my kin because I care about you, and I care about your kids.”
“And how would telling me the whole story put us in jeopardy?”
“I don’t know,” I admit, unsure about everything. “I guess I wasn’t really considering the scenarios. I lived in fear for months, so I got used to the idea of protecting my story.”
“You should have trusted me.”
“Yeah, it feels like it. Especially, based on your reaction now, returning to do I don’t know what to Tim. You were searching for him after you saw my scars. Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you would have just listened to my story and resisted your urge to right the wrong?”
He glares at me, his nostrils flaring as he clenches his fists.
“That’s what I thought.” I scoot back to the door on my side. Maybe we need a bit of space. The idea guts me. I hold his gaze, the car feeling really large. “Even now, when I need you to stick by my side and make me believe that everything will be alright, you’re waging somepersonal vendetta.”
He glares at me, his nostrils flaring. After the longest staring contest, he punches the intercom. “Change of plans. Take us home.”
Round one done. I’m not sure who won, though. It feels like we both lost.
“We need to pick up the kids from the camp,” I murmur.
“Fuck.”
“…And then we planted twees. Did you know they awe just this tiny?” Zoya holds her hands a foot apart. “And it takes yeaws fow them to gwow?” She chats away, all hyped up from the day of activities.
The car stops at an intersection, and there is a tiny part of me that just wants to jump out and find another city, job, or friends. Start anew. Yet again. But the easy way out seems even more painful.
“Did you have a good time, Zach?” Declan asks.
“It wasn’t as bad as I feared.” Zach almost sounds excited.
“And now a sleepovew at Auntie Saaw. Lily, do you think the kitten will be sleeping again?”
I’m pretty sure Saar locks the cat in her bedroom to protect her from Zoya’s not-so-gentle handling. “I don’t know. She’s one sleepy cat.”
“Yeah, pwetty bowing.”
“Okay, Zach, we will drop you here for your lesson, and Auntie will come to pick you up later.” Declan steps out and leaves with his son.
Zoya continues chatting away while I try to follow, but my mind wanders in several directions. I want to be alone with Declan, finally, and not even talk—just let him hold me. I hope he will want to.
Declan comes back, sliding beside me.
“Why awe you sad, Lily?”
Oh God, I guess I’m wearing my feelings on my sleeve. “I’m a bit sad, but I’ll get better. In fact, I’m already happier knowing you had a great time at the camp.”
Declan’s hand touches mine on the seat between us, hidden from Zoya’s view.
I look at him, and he hooks his pinkie with mine. I give him a tentative smile, and he gives me a slight nod.
It’s like in the sea of misinformation, secrets, and lies, with two tiny gestures we reached a truce, and hope blooms inside me.
We drive in silence. On one side, Zoya is dozing off, tired from all the activities, and on the other side, Declan holds my hand. And for a moment, I imagine that this is our life. That there are no threats and no past. Just us, here and now.
