Page 110 of A Convenient Secret
She touches my ribs, the warmth of her palm burning through my shirt.
That simple gesture almost clears the contradiction in my head. Almost. I open my mouth, but she’s not done.
“And what difference does it make to your schedule if he’s at soccer or practicing piano? Not much changes for you. Only your son will be happier.”
I seize her lips. She stiffens for a beat before she opens up for me. I kiss her to punish her, and to reward her at the same time. I kiss her to punish me. I kiss her because I’m not good with words.
I kiss her because I want to. Because she is mine. Well, I want her to be mine.
“Declan…” she breathes. “Zach is upstairs.”
Reluctantly, I step back. “I don’t like that you went behind my back.”
“I’m sorry I did. I thought that if you heard him play, you would understand—”
“I understand.” I nod, not yet ready to acknowledge her accusation about my convenience driving my decisions about the kids. “You still shouldn’t have done this behind my back.”
“Hello, kettle?” She deadpans and looks up at one of the cameras.
I sigh, closing my eyes briefly. “That’s—”
“Don’t say that’s different. My secret brought joy to your child, and I didn’t believe he had a chance to practice if we talked to you.”
I sigh. “My secret brought you joy today.”
“My vibrator brought me that joy.” She folds her arms. “Joy that is still tainted because you invaded my privacy—”
I cup the back of her neck. “It was wrong. But the need behind it was—is—real. I can’t help myself around you. You’ve stripped me of control, of reason, of sanity. I know it’s not an excuse, but I need you to understand I’ve never acted like this before. And a part of me isn’t even sorry, because the need to own you, to own every minute of your day is all-consuming.”
She stares at me wide-eyed. She’s going to bolt now, but the thought doesn’t stop me.
I continue, “I recognize that invading your privacy is the lowest of the low, and you don’t deserve that. I’m sorry, Lily. I will never do it again.”
She licks her lips, her chest heaving. She hasn’t stormed out yet, and I don’t think I would let her. Fuck, now I’m not only a stalker, but a kidnapper?
“I will never do it again,” I repeat when the storm behind her eyes continues, but she doesn’t say anything.
A blush covers her face and neck. She swallows and takes a deep breath in. I brace for the end of us.
“I’m not sure if I want you to stop.”
Out of all the things she could have said. “Seagull?”
“I’m mad at you, but the idea of you watching me arouses me. Is that wrong?” She looks away. Is she embarrassed?
“At the risk of repeating myself, can you be any more perfect?” I lower my lips to hers. “It’s not wrong. Not at all.”
“It was wrong that you were doing it without my consent.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Does it arouse you, watching me sit around?”
“Your existence arouses me. I’m walking around half-hard like a teenager most of the time. Watching you gives me a sense of… I don’t know; maybe it’s my need for control that takes over. I haven’t watched you since the gala night though, but I missed you today. Today, you aroused me. Painfully so.”
“But today I gave you a show.” She smiles, the wanton confidence fusing with her blushing innocence.
“And what a show it was. Maybe we just discovered our kink.” I tuck a loose strand behind her ear.Her hair is long enough now to be in a short ponytail. I like it off her face. I like her without the fake glasses.
