Page 46 of A Convenient Secret
In her jean shorts and a long-sleeved yellow blouse, she looks out of place in the dark room. She pads farther along, stopping at the antique solid-wood table that used to belong to my grandfather, and then my father.
She inspects an old photograph, and then another one. Tucking her hair behind the ear, she tilts her headhere and there, studying the scattered papers on the wooden surface.
While order reigns everywhere in my life, my hobby is the only place where unfinished and unopened prevail. I like it that way.
I take a deep breath and walk inside.
Lily whips around, putting her hands behind her back like I caught her snooping.
“I’ve never been here before,” she blurts out, verbal expulsion her go-to when she’s frazzled.
I put my hands in the pockets of my slacks. Fuck, my arm hurts. “This is where I fire nannies.”
Her eyes widen before she catches my poor attempt at lightening the mood. “It’s good I’m not your nanny then.” She smiles.
I wish she wouldn’t. Her smiles are like bullets, killing me slowly.
“Kids would disagree.”
“Zoya maybe.” She chuckles humorlessly, shifting from one foot to the other.
Several feet separate us—with my desk to my side and the old table behind her, there is nothing between us. Only unresolved issues—some real and some in my head—and pent-up energy.
“Zach has just asked me to inquire if you would stay.” I’m a grown-up man; I can put my stupid temptationsinto a vault—along with the messy feelings I don’t dare name—and put my kids first.
“He did?”
“Would you?” In my mind, I’m already planning a new schedule that will minimize our interactions.
Her forehead creases. “You would want me to?”
“I think it would be best for Zoya and Zach.”
She nods. “I would have to quit my job.”
“If you’re willing to start on Monday, I will take care of things with Summit Solutions.”
She thinks for what feels like an eternity, and then she nods. “Okay.”
A boulder drops from my shoulders, immediately replaced with imaginary shackles. Let’s hope I survive this. And after last night, I mean it literally.
I look around my office. My tidy desk, my messy antique table, my organized books. All of it usually gives me a sense of order. It doesn’t seem to work tonight.
“I asked.” Not the conversation I thought I would have with her. My new nanny. My new permanent nanny. Fuck.
“Asked?” She frowns, and her glasses slide down her nose.
“I asked Zach why he hates all the nannies.”
Her lips form anO. My cock thinks it’s an invitation. Fuck.
“It’s not my place to ask, but—” Lily starts.
“You’re going to ask anyway,” I groan, and she startles.
She must think I’m upset with her, when the reality is way more prosaic and tragic.
I’m upset with myself. For my lack of control. For what she does to me. For all the forbidden feelings.
