Page 45 of A Convenient Secret
On impulse, I slow down a bit. “I’m fine,” I growl.
There must be a way to scare her away. To break her streak of kindness. To get rid of her.
The idea makes me want to vomit.
My brush-off does the trick, and she doesn’t try to make conversation. I pack the rest of the day withactivities, exhausting the kids and myself way too much. All because I’m trying to delay our return.
Once we’re back home, I need to decide what to do with Lily. We need to have a conversation about last night. If she needs protection, I will help her.
As much as I want her out of my life, I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened to her.
And a woman who sleeps with a knife is expecting danger.
I carry Zoya to her bed. She’s half asleep as I help her change into clean pajamas. Her hair is sticky, her face is soiled with food and ice cream, but fuck the rules. It’s only seven, but the last thing I need is for her to get all riled up during the bedtime routine.
“Good night, sweetheart.” I kiss her forehead. Okay, she needs a shower, but we can burn the sheets tomorrow.
“This was a pewfect day, Daddy,” she murmurs. “I wish Lily would stay.”
The vice around my heart tightens.
I find Zach standing in his pajamas in the doorway connecting their rooms. “It’s early. Can I still play for a bit?”
I ruffle his hair and walk with him to his bed. “Sure. Do you want me to read with you?”
“No, you go talk to Lily and ask her if she wants to stay.”
Fuck. My. Life.
We sit on the edge of his bed. “Zach, Lily has a different job.”
“People change jobs. Ms. Corrine’s husband was a teacher like her, and now he’s working in a theater.” His logic is sound.
“Okay, I’ll ask her if she wants, and can stay.” Have I just lied to my son? God, when I ask her, I really hope she says no.
“Good, hopefully she can stay.”
Again. Fuck. My. Life. I make an unidentifiable sound of commitment. “I don’t know if she can.”
“Just like Mommy.” He sighs, and something dies inside me.
“Zach, I don’t think I know how to explain it to you, but your mom loves you. Not everyone shows their love the same way. And she… Well, her love is strong from afar.” And now I’ve definitely lied to my son.
“Okay. Is that one of those things that kids my age don’t understand? Because I understand way more than other kids in school. I know all the planets. Zoya doesn’t. You can explain things to me.” He shrugs.
I nod. “I know I can, buddy. But even at my age, this is one of the things I don’t understand.”
He frowns, and then extends his arms in a rare display of affection. I pull him into an embrace, needing it more than him.
“It’s okay, Dad, we will figure it out together. Or maybe, one day, Mom will explain it to us.”
Am I making a mistake by fighting Kendra on this? Keeping her away from the twins? The two times I gave her a chance, she bailed on them. I will protect them with my life, if needed, against another abandonment.
“Good night. Don’t stay up too long.” I turn to Zach before I leave his room. He nods, his focus already on the airplane he’s swooshing through the air.
I trudge over to my office where Lily is waiting for me. The door is ajar, and I take a moment to organize my thoughts.
She stands in front of my library, craning her head to inspect the books on the higher shelves.
