Page 51 of The Survivor
Her soft voice, laced with sadness and a startling dose of wisdom, shocked the hell out of him.
He moved so he was on his back and Sam was lying on top of him, and reluctantly met her inquisitive gaze.
“Sam—”
“It’s what you were thinking now, wasn’t it?”
He swallowed the lump wedged in his throat. “Yes.”
With a sigh, Sam disentangled herself from Blake’s arms and sat up. She pulled the blanket over her naked lower body. It was hard to look at him. She probably shouldn’t have brought the subject up to begin with, but she’d needed to know.
God, she was an idiot. She’d obviously mistaken sex for something entirely different, been foolish in thinking this affair with Blake would lead to anything more. But it wasn’t about sex for her. She’d had her share of lovers, but none of the men she’d been with even compared to Blake Corwin.
It was remarkable, how each time he made love to her it felt like the first time. All her previous experiences faded away, old lovers and past relationships erased from her life’s slate, as if Blake were the one man, the only man, who belonged in her bed.
That scared her the most, how he didn’t just make her feel like a woman, he made her feel likehiswoman.
“It wouldn’t work,” he said as if sensing her inner turmoil. “Our lives don’t…mesh.”
“You don’t have to explain, Blake. I understand.”
She started to get up, but he held on to her arm. “I need to explain.” His features looked strained. “You mean a lot to me,Sam. That’s why I’m saying this to you, that’s why I have to walk away once this case is over.”
She frowned. “I’m sorry, but your reasoning sucks. I mean a lot to you so you’re saying goodbye?”
“You don’t want to be with a man who chases killers for a living.”
Oh jeez. Now he was telling her what she wanted? Men!
“When the Rose Killer is captured, your life will be free of danger,” he continued, avoiding her gaze. “But my life…in my life there will always be a threat.”
“And you think I can’t handle that?”
His voice grew low, desperate. “Iknowyou can handle it. I just think you deserve better. You deserve to fix up that old house in Wellstock, build a life with someone whose career doesn’t put your life at risk every time he goes to work. You deserve a man who is…whole. And that’s not me, Samantha.”
Pain pricked her heart, bringing the sting of tears to her eyes. “You know,” she finally murmured, “for the longest time I thought the same thing—that I wasn’t whole. And guess what, Blake? I’m starting to feel whole now, and it’s because of you.”
“It’s because of you,” he corrected. “You’re a survivor, remember? And you’ve suffered so damn much the past year. I don’t ever want you to suffer again, sweetheart, even if it means walking away from you.”
Funny, that he didn’t realize he was making her suffernow,by saying these words to her.
“You’re not being fair.” Her voice cracked so badly that she started to feel pitiful, pleading with him when it was obvious that he didn’t intend to change his mind.
She rose from the couch. Even covered by a pair of thick socks, her feet felt cold against the hardwood floor. She quickly put on her panties and jeans. “I get you’re used to being incharge, Blake, but you don’t get to make decisions for me. Forus.”
Without meeting her eyes, he pulled his pants and boxers up to his waist, then stood up. His handsome face exuded both frustration and regret.
“I’m making the decision for me,” he said hoarsely. Stepping closer, he reached out to trace the outline of her lips with his thumb. “And when you take the time to think about it—reallythink about it—you’ll realize I’m doing the right thing.”
His hand dropped from her mouth. Slowly, he walked out of the living room.
She stared at his broad back, her eyelids stinging. The right thing? Is that what he considered ripping her heart right out of her chest and crushing it between his fingers?
She wanted to curse with anger and disappointment. Whatever he thought he was doing by pushing her away, whatever he thought she’d gain from him walking away from her—there was absolutely nothingrightabout it.
She hesitated, wanting to run after him and tell him he was being a fool, but she kept herself rooted in place. No, she wasn’t going to chase after him. She wasn’t going to try to change his mind. Whether or not this affair with Blake went any further, she needed to take care of herself first. She was just now putting the pieces of her life back together, and she wasn’t about to hinder her progress by becoming a clingy and desperate woman who couldn’t live without a man.
If Blake wanted her, he was going to have to come and get her.
