Page 109 of In Need of a Duke
“And I have been very lucky to have you by my side. This is no different. You will sort it out, and until then, I will be here. With you.”
“Always?”
“You will never be able to be rid of me, Lottie. I know too much.”
Charlotte grinned. “Let’s ring for tea.”
Later that evening,Charlotte slipped away and had dinner alone in her room, wishing nothing but quiet.
A woman’s reputation was her currency in this Town. Without it, she was destined to live on the whims of others. Lily and Kate had fought for finding a different ending to their story.
They had always been more daring, bolder.
Charlotte never wished to upset anyone. And yet she had. And if Ian went through with the divorce like he had agreed to grant her, then all London was about to turn on her. She didn’t believe she had it in her to weather that storm.
And increasingly, as the days passed, she wasn’t sure she wished to weather life without her husband.
She washed and readied for bed, paying no mind to the maid who came in and prepared the room. When she finished plaiting her hair, she noticed a small box on her bed and an envelope sealed in red wax with the familiar crest.
Drat.
She moved to pick it up, then tore her hand away as though the box might scald her. She spun at the foot of her bed and paced the length of the room.
With a quick exhale, she finally grabbed the letter and held it to her chest before opening to read.
I’m sendingthese not to prove a point. My actions far outweighed the words I wrote and never sent. It was yet another selfish act of mine, to keep that pain and hurt to myself. Nevertheless, I wish only for you to know, I have never stopped loving you. That I missed you when I was away. That I craved you. And that my heart was broken as well. These letters will never make up for leaving as I did, I only wish to soothe your heartache in thinking you were waiting on me. The damn truth of it was, I was waiting on myself. And for that, I am inexcusably sorry.
Charlotte foldedthe letter and looked at the small box, then at the candle on the desk. It was far too late. Yet, she pushed to her feet and rang for a small glass of brandy, then sat on the floor and opened the box, her hand shaking the entire time.
Lottie,Honeybee,
I placed an ocean between us like a prized fool, and I woke up this morning, wishing to return. Though I doubt you would take me back now. I can’t say that I would blame you. But I sat outside this evening as the ocean crashed against the cliffs and the seagulls circled the water, and you are all I can think about. The water here reminds me of your eyes.
Imagine that.
Your eyes, blue like the waters off the Amalfi Coast. So impossibly far away.
And I’m only thinking of you.
Of holding you.
Of kissing you.
But I’m left with nothing.
And my apologies sound just empty. Even to myself.
Still, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
Charlotte sniffed,rolling her eyes, then tossed the letter away. She downed another gulp of brandy and grabbed another letter.
The sun just set here.And maybe it is because I am a little drunk, but I swear I saw a green flash across the horizon. I sound positively mad.
But it made me think of you.
It’s been nearly six months since our wedding. I received your letter last week, and I must have written this very letter a hundred times. And each time, I write half and tear it up, fearing I have done too much damage for a letter to suffice.
