Page 107 of In Need of a Duke
“And I think since he’s returned, I still worry he’s here out of obligation. That I am not a woman to love, but a wife to provide him with the heir that the title needs.”
She wiped her eyes again and shrugged her shoulders, blinking back at Lily. Her friend reached out and brushed back her hair.
“Oof,I am terribly sorry. I shouldn’t just barge into your home and dump all my troubles on you.”
“Stop, stop. Charlotte?”
She gazed back at her friend, exhausted and broken.
“No apologies. Lord knows Kate and I have sought out your advice plenty of times. You might have lost your parents, but I am still your family. Kate and I, and lord help us, Rafe and Gabriel. For better or worse, we will love you and stand by you. And if you want to come into my home and tell me everything that has you upset, I will sit here and gladly listen because I love you.”
Once, that would have been difficult for Charlotte to hear, but today, a soft, sad smile pulled at the corners of her mouth.
Family.
Yes, by chasing her heart, she had lost so much, but she had also gained more than she could have imagined.
Lily smiled in kind, then bumped her shoulder against Charlotte. “Love is never easy.”
“No. It’s as if my heart goes one way, and my head goes another, and I can’t reconcile them. I can’t seem to move past what happened. And we had so desperately tried to. I don’t wish to be stuck in that place anymore. I wish… I wish to be back in that ballroom. Not the night we met eight years ago, but dancing with the man he became a few weeks ago, dancing in his arms as the woman I’ve grown into. It was like all London finally saw me, and they didn’t dare say a bad thing for once.
“Whether they did or not, it didn’t matter because Ian was never going to allow them to hurt me. And it seems like such a small thing to be hung up on, but I loved that feeling. I loved that feeling of being held and safe and seen.
“And I wanted more of that, and I think I was scared. I was scared that if I stayed with him, he would only end up breaking my heart. But at some point, one day, he would look me in the eye and leave after we had a son. I don’t…” She dropped her head into her hands. “Clearly, I know I cannot tolerate that because he’s left, and I am here, a mess. I am the worst sort of friend to come barging in.”
“No, no, of course not, Lottie,” Lily said. “This is what I think we shall do.” And Lily stood up, wiping her face, brushing off her flour smeared skirts.
“It’s nearly dinnertime. Mr. Hawkins is here. You know him well enough. I’m sure he won’t mind another dinner companion if you don’t. I think it best to have something to eat. Then I can have someone draw you a bath afterward, and you can spend the night here with us. In the morning, after some tea, we will come up with a plan.”
“Lilybell,” Charlotte said. “Thank you. But I have one pressing question.”
“Yes?”
“Why are you covered in flour?”
CHAPTER 32
Charlotte wasas bitter and sour as the lemon sitting beside her teacup on the saucer. She folded her hands and pushed back from the desk, glancing toward Lily, who was furiously searching through paperwork.
“I think now is an excellent time to reorganize your office,” Charlotte said.
Lily paused, looked up horrified. “Absolutely not. It is organized. I know where everything is.”
“Is that so?” Charlotte tilted her head.
Lily laughed, then continued to search. “It makes sense to me, Lottie.”
Well, the truth of it was Charlotte had little to do. Lily had the school well in hand, and Charlotte still couldn’t stomach returning to Mayfair. She had been staying with Lily and Rafe for the past three weeks. She hadn’t heard from Ian. So, she was waiting and stuck, her very least favorite feeling in the world.
“I need,” she said, looking up to the ceiling, searching for words. “I need?—”
“Really?” interrupted Lily, standing up. “You need to speak to your husband.”
“Besides that,” Charlotte said, swatting her away. “No, no. I need to be outside. I need to be away from the city. And I miss my plants and my bees?—”
“Shh, Celeste feels slighted.”
The cat jumped down from her perch by the window and pranced over to Charlotte, nudging against her skirts.
