Page 105 of In Need of a Duke
“I want you to be happy, and I cannot in good conscience sentence you to a life with me where you will move through the world pretending you are so. You have done that for far too long already, and because of my mistakes. I cannot take that back. But I can see that you will never have to do so again in the future.
“I will see that the school doesn’t lose its funding. I will support you, but I will no longer force you to be my duchess if you are not happy. If that is what you truly want. If that’s what you wish, I willgive up my life for the comfort of yours. I will make a fool of myself and ruin my good name if it means you have half a chance at happiness. I will let my title die with me if that means you will go to bed every evening knowing that you are loved, and the bed is warm beside you with someone who loves you back.”
Charlotte stumbled back a step until she fell to the mattress and buried her face in her hands. Ian quickly strode across the room and bent down, resting on his knees.
“Ian.” Tears brimmed in her eyes when she peeked through her hands. “I was furious with you before you arrived. I think I still am.”
“I have stayed with you, for you, because I wish to spend my life with you and make up for the time we missed because of my decisions. Whether that includes an heir, I no longer care. You”—he struggled, and he reached for her face—“I am here only for you, and I will let you go if that is what you wish.”
She closed her eyes, her shoulders rising and falling as her warm, salty tears slipped down his fingers. He sniffed back his own, realizing, in one quick moment, that this could be the last time he embraced his wife.
“I have cursed your name for far too many nights,” she said, “spending them alone, waiting. I fell in love with you that evening, like you me, the difference is I stayed and faced the good and bad?—”
“Nothing was ever bad?—”
“Losing our baby and dealing with that shame alone most certainly was. Thinking you blamed me.”
He grabbed her hands and kissed the back of her knuckles. “I only meant?—”
“I know what you mean, Ian. I understand that too because however imperfect our love for each other has been, I have spent a beautiful spring with you. I will forever be thankful for the love you have shown me since you’ve returned.”
“Lottie.” His voice cracked as he pleaded, knowing she was about to break his heart. And yet, it was hers and only hers to break at that moment.
“It’s not enough for me, Ian. Please go,” she said at last, opening her eyes to meet his. “I will write when I’ve reached London.”
CHAPTER 31
Charlotte waitedfor a beat in the carriage, pressing the back of her glove against her mouth, unsure if she were to be sick or if she were merely tired. She hadn’t slept in nearly three days.
She hadn’t done much of anything after Ian left.
Sure, she had pretended then to be all iron and brute strength, but inside she had been crumbling. Inside, that horrible nagging emptiness had emerged again, urging her to follow her head and not her heart.
And so she had.
And so, after he left, she remained in bed for a few days before continuing the trip to London. And when she had stepped out of bed, she sat at the window for hours, watching, barely moving. Stuck and waiting.
Ian had left as she had asked.
Where? She didn’t know.
London didn’t hold anything for her except a hug from her dearest friend in the world.
“Your Grace?” the driver asked, holding his hand out to help her out of the carriage.
Charlotte pulled on a smile and stepped out, glancing up at thegloomy June evening hovering over Town. The black storm clouds appeared as cheerful as she felt.
Lily and Rafe had recently moved into a much larger home in Portman Square, not far from Charlotte’s home in Mayfair. It might be silly, but she didn’t wish to be alone.
“Good evening, Your Grace,” the butler answered. “Please come in. It appears it will rain any moment.”
“Thank you,” she said, peeking up once more at the brewing storm clouds, then stepped inside and was instantly met with what could only be best described as pure and utter chaos.
Lily was standing at the end of the hallway, covered in flour, waving her hands dramatically at the housekeeper as the boys yelled…
Rafe ran from the dining room to her right and dove, tackling Mr. Hawkins into the sitting room as the boys jumped up and down wearing folded newspaper hats.
“He sank our ship, Papa! Don’t let him get away.”
