Page 13 of In Search of a Husband
“Why would you ever accept? I beg you, reconsider, please. Kate, you will be miserable. There must be some other solution.”
Kate scratched her brow, frustration mounting inside.
“It is my only option right now.”
“No,” Charlotte reached for her hand, but she recoiled. Kate didn’t wish to be touched. “You can remain in London and be my companion. I am not offended by any gossip. Honest.”
An icy chill sent a shiver down her spine at the memory of her mother yesterday, cutting her in the modiste in front of everyone.
Her own mother!
“That is kind of you, but I mind. And I don’t wish to be the source of gossip any longer.”
“I am only concerned as your friend. I care for you, and I wish for you to be happy. And for you to run off to Scotland to become a governess, when you admittedly don’t enjoy the company of children, doesn’t sound like a good resolution.”
“I don’t have to enjoy it, but at least I can leave behind London society for a while and not be fodder for the gossip rags. Perhaps, someone can look me in the eye for once, and I won’t have to live with the shame of being disowned by my parents. Hugh is never going to rescue me, Lottie. But I know I am strong enough to do so myself.”
The two friends were quiet for a moment, the heaviness of Kate’s decision setting in.
“If you will not change your mind, then I will purchase you a coach ticket for Scotland.”
“You will?”
“Yes, but—” Charlotte held up her hand. Kate noticed some dirt caked beneath her nails. She had been spending time in her greenhouse again. “With the added condition that if you arrive at this house and decide you must leave the situation, then you will promise to write. I don’t wish you to get yourself into trouble because of your pride. Independence means nothing if you become a captor to its limitations.”
Kate scoffed, even as her chest swelled at the sentiment.
“I am only asking for a little faith that it might work.”
Charlotte smiled to herself. “I think we women all could extend a bit of grace toward one another that our dreams are worthy. We all have value, Kate. I don’t wish for you to forget it because society has dictated your value one way.”
“That’s so forward-thinking of you.”
“I have a dear friend who sees the good in this world, and who is brave enough to chase after what her heart desires. And I wish I were like her almost every day.”
Kate stood up, certain if it were proper enough, she would throw her head back and scream for a minute… or several. It was impossible being a woman.
“I have never backed down from a challenge before. And I feel I need a fresh start, away from London and all the rubbish that transpires here. I need to understand that I exist outside of what I was brought up to become.”
“What’s that?”
“A wife.”
“We all have been brought up to fulfill that role, darling. We are women after all. We are not afforded the same luxuries of men to settle upon something that gives us purpose beyond domesticity.”
“You opened the school.”
“Yes.” She rubbed at her temple. “But I am also fortunate enough to have the funds to do as I wish, and a husband who isn’t overly interested in what I do as long as I stay away. I don’t wish for you to believe I will not support you in whatever you endeavor to do. Because I will. Kate, you are one of my oldest friends, and nothing would make me happier than to see you happy.”
“What if I don’t wish to be a wife?”
“Then you risk being a spinster. And that is a lonely life. I am not a spinster, but at times, it certainly feels as if that is the case. I wouldn’t wish it upon you. In time, your scandal in London will fade, and someone will find you a good match.”
“I am a good match now.”
“Except for the fact that Lord Cranbourne discovered you and themarquess out in the garden at the ball, and your dress was unfastened down to your waist…”
Kate closed her eyes, pushing the images out of her mind of that evening. Of being discovered, shivering and struggling to cover herself up as the marquess put distance between them. Of standing there as he refused to marry her.
