Page 91 of In Want of a Wife
She was certain she was going mad, certain sometime between seeing Rafe this evening and meeting Mr. Lloyd, that she must have slipped in time and became someone else. “Because I wish to run one. Tonight went swimmingly, and I will continue discussions with Mr. Lloyd about my manuscript, but I don’t think… it didn’t feel right. And I realize that sounds absurd. But I have spent so much of my life ensuring I could study science that I think it best that I continue and provide a way for girls to do so. That is how I will save myself, not through marriage. I wish to run the school, Charlotte. And I wish to start immediately.”
Charlotte chuckled for a moment before seriousness washed over her face. “You’re serious?”
“Like the pox,” Lily said, feeling a familiar pang in her chest. “I wish to make something of myself, and I don’t wish to be at the mercy of a man to do so. If London wishes to punish me for only wishing to find security, then I will work twice as hard at creating a space where I can guarantee that for any girl who walks through my doors.”
Her friend toyed with the tassel on the end of her fan for a moment before looking up with big, blue eyes. “That’s a very noble idea.”
“Being a woman in this world is hard enough. I don’t need to romanticize my ambitions as anything other than starting a revolution.”
Charlotte grinned. “Then that’s what we will do, you and I. You start tomorrow, head mistress.”
CHAPTER 15
Rafe was neverin London long enough to seek out membership at a gentlemen's club. He was more at home at a tavern, anyhow. Tonight though, he had agreed to meet his old captain at a club full of toffs and titles, with far too many brandy, cigars, and pretentious egos.
His late father’s friend, now Admiral Michael Ackerman, sat down across from him at the small table he had found for himself.
It was the closest he could find to a corner. There was too much noise and far too many people.
“Are you going to touch that glass of scotch or look at it?” Admiral Ackerman tapped his hand against the tabletop, drawing Rafe’s attention back from earlier this afternoon when Lily had shied away from his touch.
It was only right. He had done that, and he had no one else to blame.
“It’s for you. I’m not touching the stuff anymore.”
The older man reclined in his club chair. Years away from a ship’s deck had made him portly. He narrowed his blue eyes, hidden under wiry silvering brows. “This is new. Last I heard, Henry was called to see you out of the gaol and dragged you away from London.”
“I went with him… somewhat willingly.” He sat forward in his seat, unable to still his body. If only he could swim or sail, if only he could wear his body out until he was bone-tired enough to sleep, then perhaps this would all be more tolerable.
Instead, he sat across from the man who had essentially raised him after his father’s passing. He had sailed the world with Admiral Ackerman. He had attended both of his daughters’ weddings. He had fought the French alongside him.
And one night, in a wicked gale, he had watched as Captain Ackerman then slipped and fell from the fighting top, breaking his leg and shoulder. He barely survived the accident, and all the while, Rafe had been by his side, wishing more than anything not to lose someone close to him again.
“You look awful, Rafe.”
He shrugged.
“I have good news to share with you, unofficially of course. You need to report on Monday. But something tells me it won’t be welcomed news.”
“Why would you say that?”
The admiral slid the scotch across the table, then took a long sip with a leveled look at Rafe.
He placed the glass down with a small shake to his hand. Rafe noticed then how the admiral’s fingers were gnarled and swollen, and his once blond hair was fading to white.
“I’ve been a navy man for my entire life, started young like you. I was lucky and had a good run of head and gun money and saved up enough that I married Patricia. That wasn’t without hardship. In the beginning, it was difficult. The sea runs in my blood—” He pointed to the table, tapping his index finger until Rafe met his stare. “And I know it’s the same for you. I know because I’ve watched you grow into an excellent sailor. It has been with great frustration that you haven’t moved past lieutenant yet because you have most certainly earned it.”
Rafe scanned the room, annoyed at the card games and laughing, annoyed that everyone there appeared to be in good spirits. Here he was about to receive news he had craved to hear since he was an apprentice tying knots and scrubbing the deck.
“It’s all I know.” Such a small confession for such a big truth.
Rafe reached into his pocket and plucked out a cigar. The admiral held out a match, and with a short puff, it was lit.
“But it’s not what you want.”
Rafe froze, clutching the cigar. “What’s that?”
“You may have the sea running through your veins, son, but your heart isn’t with the Navy. It hasn’t been for a few years, and as I look at you now, I can tell you made a critical mistake—you fell in love.”
