Page 78 of In Want of a Wife
When she had faced her father that evening before she left, the world had seemed too large and unforgiving. But she still had hope then. Now?
Lily was quite sure she was making a grave mistake.
Perhaps it was because she was too preoccupied with her thoughts, the morning journey passed quickly. When they arrived at port and boarded the ferry to the Isle of Wight, Rafe and Lily hardly spoke to one another. And by the time they climbed into another carriage for the last leg of their journey, Rafe had also lost his chipper attitude, even as he stared out over the impossibly turquoise seas.
“What’s the matter, Rafe?”
He shook his head, scratching his brow. “It’s only…”
She waited, picking at her skirts. Anything to appear as though she didn’t hang on his every word.
Which she did.
When he didn’t finish, she turned to the window instead. The blue sky seemed to stretch on as they rumbled over the roads through wide, open fields. As the carriage rocked again, her stomach grew more uneasy at the prospect she would be meeting her future husband momentarily. She wished it would still or at least not toss her from side to side.
As they descended a hill, a vast clearing appeared surrounded by old twisted oaks and elms. The drive smoothed out as the carriage went round a corner, and the top of a brick house peeked up from the trees.
Rafe cursed under his breath. “This is a mistake,” he said finally.
She turned to him, her hands clenched tightly on the tops of her knees. “What was that?”
It was a mistake.
She shouldn’t be here, about to marry one brother, when she was quite sure she had given her heart to the other.
“No good can come of this. I don’t think we should continue,” she said. “I can’t in good faith marry your brother now… after the events of the past few days.”
“Events?” He snickered, rolling his eyes heavenward as if asking forgiveness.
“I didn’t wish to be crude. Should I be more specific?” Frustration tinged her words.
“We are at Cliffstone, Lily.” He roughly spun the gold ring on his pinky around and around. “What do you propose? We turn around and return to Cumbria?”
“No.” Anger bubbled up in her chest. “No, there is no need for that. It is only…”
“If we do not go through with this, then how am I expected to introduce you to my brother? You are unmarried and unchaperoned.”
“You are here as well, are you not?”
Rafe waved his hand toward the window. “You responded to an advertisement seeking a wife for Henry. This was your plan.”
“Plans can change. And they must now. I cannot marry your brother when I have lost my virtue to you.”
He shook his head, leaning forward to meet her glare. She hated him for it.
“I am not going to marry. I was never going to marry you.”
She slumped back against the seat, struck by the cruelness in his words. She had always understood, and yet, he didn’t have to speak to her with such little care.
“I never… Please don’t speak to me like… well, one of your mistresses or whoever you carry on with when you are in London or in one of your seaside ports. I deserve respect. Or so you made me believe.”
“Lily,” he said, with a sigh. “That is not what I mean.”
“It was what you said, and words carry specific meaning. I am not some toy for men to toss about whenever they wish. They have done so my entire life. Please don’t be another.” Her lip trembled, nearlymatching the buzzing energy coursing through her as Cliffstone grew larger.
“Is that what you think? That I don’t care for you because I am telling you right now that is false.”
She shrunk back and blinked hard. “What?”
