Page 86 of In Want of a Wife
“Wait, where is your telescope? It’s a beautiful, clear night to stargaze.”
She froze, then spun to face him. Lily swung her arms wide and laughed in spite of herself. “I sold it.”
“When? Why would you do that? That is everything to you.”
“When I went into the village with your mother and sister. I needed some extra coin.”
Once more, Lily refused to meet him in the eye. He clenched his fists, desperate to feel something, anything other than the cold washing over him and the tightness in his chest.
“It doesn’t matter now.”
Rafe scratched his temple, sure he wasn’t hearing her correctly. “When I returned that to you, you told me it was your most prized possession.”
“It was.”
“I don’t understand, Lily. You have worked so hard…”
“And for what? I have been ridiculed and shamed, and I have been disappointed again and again. I have been told that I am too much, and that I should make myself smaller and speak less. My work has value—girls have value beyond their dowries and bodies—but no one will publish my textbook because they don’t believe astronomy and math are appropriate academic subjects for females. So I have tried to be good and be what everyone wishes me to be, but no one will bloody marry me either.” She tossed her hands up, tears in her beautiful eyes. “Including you, Rafe. I couldn’t go through with marrying Henry, and yet you tossed me at his feet without ever telling me the truth.”
“You can’t leave.” Panic clawed at his chest, and he reached for her, but she held her hands out and retreated two steps, shaking her head.
“We barely know one another.”
“Stay. Stay here and we will…”
“I will not be your mistress, and I love myself far too much to stay until you grow bored with me. And you will. No, we must end this. Whatever this beautiful, messy, amazing affair we experienced, it must end.”
“You don’t mean that. Please, it has been a long journey. Let’s rest and talk it over in the morning.”
“I will not beg you for your love, nor will I beg you to be my husband. I am exhausted from asking a man to love me as if begging for table scraps. I deserve more.” She turned and stalked toward the door, half-enveloped in the dark night. “Don’t come out after me. Leave me in peace for once, please.”
Lily slipped away, running out into the garden under the protection of night and her beloved stars.
His mind raced for something to say, for some jest to make, so he could see her smile once more. If only he could touch her and make this right, kiss her, and feel her body against his. He reached for his cheek and held out his hand, confused.
His fingers were wet.
And he was crying.
CHAPTER 13
“Lily?”
A soft knock sounded at her door before it cracked open, and Charlotte’s head popped in. “Good morning, darling. Well, afternoon. Would you like to join me and Kate for a walk?”
Lily rubbed the sleep from her eyes, then blinked hard at her friend.
“It is nearly two in the afternoon.”
She did not care overly much about what time it was. She still preferred her bed to anyone. Or the stars. But she couldn’t look at them any longer because she had been foolish and followed her heart instead of listening to her head.
Emotion had no place in science.
“No,” she said simply.
Charlotte pushed through the door and sat on the edge of the bed. “It has been two weeks since you returned to London. At some point, you will need to leave this bedroom and live your life.”
“Only if I can become invisible. Do you happen to own a very large cape I can hide under?”
