Page 58 of In Want of a Wife
He snapped his eyes up to meet hers. “Because time stands still here, and I cannot afford to be stuck.”
Lily shook her head, placing one hand on her hip and extending the other in a frustrated wave. “And what will you do once we reach Cliffstone?”
He stared at her, the answer stuck in his throat until, finally, he blinked and leaned away. “Leave. I have no choice.”
“No, you have a choice,” she said, speaking over him, “but you are afraid.”
He edged closer, unable to tear his eyes away from her lips as his heart pounded in his ears. He clenched his hands from wanting to touch her. “What else am I to do? I can’t stay on when you marry Henry.”
“Sure, you could. You are free to make mistakes. The world will not end.” She rolled her eyes, brushing the salty curls away from her face. “I did not know you wished to be mine. But allow me to be clear when I say, it sounds as if you will be stuck if that happens as well.”
“Because I will have lost you.”
The silence that followed hung between them for a beat too long, and he thought hehadmade a mistake.
Lily licked her lips. “I am here, Rafe.”
He was desperate to touch her, to find some center in a night that knocked him off-kilter.
“No,” he growled, stalking closer. “I have you for stolen moments, in glimpses, but I am a greedy man, love. I want more.” He bent down, ghosting his mouth over the tip of her nose, her cheekbone, before whispering against her ear, “Much more than a kiss. More than a swim in the ocean or a midnight walk on the beach or one night at an inn. I want you and your body. I want you screaming out my name until we both collapse back onto our bed, naked and entwined, and we fall asleep in each other’s arms when there is no fear of not enough time. That is what I want. And I cannot have it.”
She twisted his shirt in her hand, issuing the softest moan at his confession that instantly made him hard.
Damn it.
“Why ever not?” she asked.
He stepped back, breaking the moment. He must or else he would take what he wanted and break her heart. And he was trying to be so much better than that.
“Don’t you remember? I’ve sworn off love, and you deserve more than whatever temporary pleasure I could ever give you. I will only end up disappointing you. Besides, I’m to choose my next posting once we reach Cliffstone. I could be gone for years.”
“But that is for me to decide, is it not? Rafe, if this is a speech designed to seduce me, I am afraid it hasn’t worked. Your mother and your sister love you, deeply. Just because your mother never wishes to leave here does not mean she expects you to stay. But what is curious is that if you also leave Cliffstone Manor, what’s to stop you from running away from something in London as well? What do you want, Rafe? Where are you going to go?”
“I am not running…” He searched his mind for something, anything to add, but that was the problem. She was making him face anugly truth, one that he had known for some time now but avoided whenever possible.
“It is late. I am going to return to the house. I will see you in the morning, Rafe.”
He draped his jacket over her shoulders.
She turned to leave, her slippers still clutched in her hands. There in the darkness of the boathouse, he was certain he felt something for her. Once he had considered himself levelheaded and understood there were rules in how the universe worked, even if he never followed them. But time had changed that, and with her big brown eyes studying him, he was not sure anything made sense.
His heart certainly did not make sense to him any longer.
CHAPTER 10
“Miss Abrams?”Mrs. Davies called out in a soft, singsong voice.
A knock rapped at Lily’s door. She rolled over, wiping the sleep from her eyes as she pulled her room into focus. Soft morning light seeped into the room around the drawn curtains. It took a moment to remember where she was. She was used to the sounds of songbirds, her stepsisters bickering, and her stepmother snapping at the dogs to be quiet. But here, she sank into the mattress, reveling in the sounds of the waves crashing against the shores down below the beach. She was warm, but she was still wearing Rafe’s jacket.
She rubbed the fine wool collar against her cheek, remembering what it had been like to wake up with him in her bed.
“One moment,” Lily called out.
She sat up, brushing her curls away. She had been up entirely too late last evening. After leaving Rafe at the boathouse, she sat outside for a time, studying the stars. It was an amazingly clear night. Without her telescope, she couldn’t do much work.
Not that she could have focused if she had.
Lily jumped out of bed and grabbed the wrapper Mrs. Davies had lent her the evening before, then shrugged off his jacket. She didn’t know where to stash it, so she threw it under the covers and quickly made her bed.
