Page 30 of In Pursuit of a Christmas Bride
Mrs. Craven mumbled, waving her off before proceeding down the hallway out of view.
“Where are you?” Tilly whispered.
A door creaked open behind her, and a strong hand clasped around her wrist, then quickly pulled her into the dark before the door closed behind her.
“The other guests have arrived,” she announced.
“I don’t normally hide away in closets.”
“Right.” She couldn’t see well in the dark but that hadn’t stopped them before. Tilly traced his body with her hands, then found his face, then his mouth, and pressed hers against his, desperate. Everything was about to change, and she was greedy and didn’t wish for anything to change now that she had found him.
“We only need time to think,” Henry said, breaking away. “We can figure this out. There has to be a solution.”
“No one can know.” Fear filled her limbs. “No one can know, Henry. Please, please…”
“Ssh,all right. No one will know, and I will leave as planned.”
But she didn’t wish for that either. She didn’t feel safe if he left her. She didn’t trust Roger. She didn’t trust Roger even if Henry remained, so perhaps it made no difference.
“I don’t wish to leave you either.”
Hearing those words was like a salve to her nerves, as if he had read her mind.
“But we can’t remain in this closet.”
She traced her hands over the curve of his shoulder. “No, I suppose not.”
She leaned in for one last kiss wishing it wasn’t their last. “I’ve thought of nothing but you since last evening,” she said.“And when you leave, I wish for you to know that won’t change. I don’t know what to do, but I do know I don’t want to lose you again, Henry.”
“You don’t have to lose me.”
“But you don’t understand, I do. It’s dangerous for me and you to be together for lots of reasons. But mostly because I will lose everything if I am discovered. Mr. Haskett will see that my career ends and my family is sent back to Dublin. I will lose.” Her mind searched for the right words. She wished to tell him the truth. It was terrifying to do so. They’d only known each other for a handful of days, and though she knew that she trusted him more than anyone, she was afraid of handing over the truth. Men with power did tricky things.
And what happened if it turned out she and Henry couldn’t be together, and he became jealous? What happened if they couldn’t be together, and he turned out bitter? She didn’t wish to find out, but she also didn’t wish to keep the truth from him. The truth was dangerous.
And what if after discovering the truth about Ethan, Henry didn’t like her anymore? That would be understandable. She had a son born out of wedlock with a man who left her with child, alone to bear the consequences. She was considered a ruined woman. Why would he wish to be with her after learning the truth, tarnishing whatever perfect image of her he had in his mind?
“For now,” he said, “I will continue with my plans to leave. But we are not done, Tilly. I will see that the maid gives you my address, and we can write to one another. I have to leave London soon to manage the estate, but I swear to you, I will write.”
That sounded nice. But letters over time would slowly stop coming and then what?
“I am a great actress, Henry. I know that. I know I can walk into that drawing room in a few minutes and commandeveryone’s attention, and I know I can draw them away from the truth. But what I can’t do is pretend as if this never happened when I am alone at night. I will never be able to forget what we shared. But I don’t have an answer on how we can continue.”
“Then for now,” he said “kiss me one last time, and I promise to write. And I will walk into that drawing room cold and indifferent and pretend as if I don’t think about you constantly. I am not a great actor. But people have claimed that I have no heart for most of my life and for that, I am thankful in this instant. I’ve spent thirty-one years pretending as if I do not love, and I know what to do. But I wish for you to know that I will hate every moment of it.”
Henry placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. The sweetness of it nearly melted her there in the dark of the small closet.
“I won’t leave if you wish it,” he said. “Tell me to stay.”
The damnedest thing was that Tilly wished for him to stay. But it wouldn’t be safe to do so with Roger close on her heels. He would know. And she didn’t want any trouble coming Henry’s way. He and his family didn’t deserve the scandal that was sure to follow.
Instead of answering, she traced her fingers up the side of his jaw and ran her hand back into his thick black hair.
One day, they would have their moment. One day, it would be safe to love him. One day, she could have her happy ending instead of constantly feeling as if she were to be chased out of Town. Or something equally damning and life-ending.
One day.
But she didn’t trust her heart to make a decision today.
