Page 13 of Warrior
“Not really.” I gave a low snort. "Sewing together a few scraps for sheets does not a mother make."
Daicon tested the firmness of the pillow, grinning. "You would be a great mother, and I won't hear otherwise. Nip it, nip it in the bud.”
My mouth fell open, and whatever thoughts in my head succumbed to bewilderment. I knew that quote. I’d heard it dozens of times watching television reruns of my father’s favorite show. Surely not? But Daicon said he learned English from the Earth's television and radio waves.
I cleared my throat. "Um, Daicon—did you just quote Barney Fife?"
“Yes.” He glanced up at me, frowning in confusion at the shock plainly on my face. "I learned to speak a lot of English from watching Andy, Barney, Aunt Bee, and Opie in their daily lives." He sighed, the golden eyes taking on a faraway tinge. "I hope they are doing well on Earth."
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. One minute I stared at him, completely flabbergasted, and the next, I was sitting on the cot, clutching my stomach, and trying to catch my breath. I don’t think I’d laughed this hard since Gavin died. Heck, I might not have laughed this hard before he died.
“Are you alright?”
That Daicon peered at me with concern only made it worse. I left him staring in confusion while I rolled around on the cot, cackling.
Daicon's weight settling on the cot's edge sobered me in a hurry.
“What is wrong?”
“I’m sorry,” I sniggered, wiping tears from my eyes. “It's just…" It took me a few more minutes before I gained enough composure to converse.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, wiping my face, and trying not to think too much about the fact that he sat on my bed, only a few inches away. "It's just that…." How did I explain this?" You know Andy, Barney, Opie, and Aunt Bee… they're not real people."
The confusion on Daicon’s face was precious. It made him even more appealing, if that was possible. My entire body was already throbbing.
“What do you mean, they are not real… like a hologram?”
“No, they’re real people. They're just characters."
Confusion deepened the lines of his face. And I thought explaining religion was hard.
“You said you learned about us from the television waves, right?"
“Yes.”
“Well, television is a form of entertainment on Earth. We have people who call themselves actors, and their job is to pretend to be fictional characters for the entertainment of others.” I watched the bewilderment fade from Daicon’s face somewhat.
He stood scrubbing the back of his neck, processing the information. “So it is like holograms, just with people.”
“I guess.” Since I’d never seen a hologram, who knew?
Daicon gave an indistinct sound, something between a growl and a chuckle. “I always wondered why Barney and Andy didn’t act like the humans we rescued. In all their adventures, I don’t think I heard them sayfuckonce.”
I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. If I went on another jag, I wouldn’t put it past him to try and get me medical attention. “No. They don’t normally use language like that on television.”
Daicon gave a shrug, moving to settle on his makeshift bed. The grain bags crackled under his weight. I tossed him one of my blankets, keeping the threadbare one for myself since I also had a sheet. Nights could be chilly, but the temperature was at least ten degrees higher in the room thanks to his body heat.
“Did you watch Andy and Barney?” he asked as I splashed my face and scrubbed my teeth with a rigged toothbrush made of a utensil and cloth strips.
“I did.” I clicked off the light switch by the foot of the bed. Perhaps if I couldn't see how he looked, laid out with his arms crossed under his head, I’d calm down. “The Andy Griffith show was one of my favorites, too.”
He was quiet momentarily, then a deep breath heralded his words. “So, I guess tasting kerosene cucumbers is out of the question.”
The laugh barked out of me before I could stop it. It was an iconic episode where Aunt Bee tried to make her own dill pickles with disastrous results.
He sighed, the sound ending with a chuckle. “I should probably take Ernest T. Bass off my assassination list.”
“You have an assassination list.” My laughter choked.
