Page 34 of Velvet Sin
Reaching up on top of the wardrobe, he took a bottle of water for himself.When he turned around to drink, it meant giving me a good look at his beautiful bare chest and torso, exquisitely chiseled, powerful, but not freakishly big the way Cameron wanted to be for a while.
Dammit, why was I thinking about him?He had a way of popping up at the worst times.I didn’t want to reflect on his pointless attempts at getting ripped.The one thing he ever tried to do for himself, on his own, and he had given up after a couple of months.
Gathering my courage, I whispered, “Can I ask what happened?You don’t have to tell me, but you have a way of setting up a story that leaves a girl wanting more.”
There was a twinkle in his eye when he glanced my way.“If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s leaving a woman wanting more.Once she’s screamed her head off, of course,” he added with a smirk.
I knew him too well.There might have been a blank stretch of years when we weren’t in each other’s lives, but I knew him.He used humor to deflect when he felt overwhelmed.It was hard to imagine a man like him ever being in that position.He always projected this aura of calm, easy capability.It was something he must have consciously practiced to get so good at it.
After a few silent moments, he took a deep breath.“About a year after graduation, I met up with a couple of guys from school out in LA.I was still floating around, looking for my place in the world.We decided to go to one of the clubs just off the Sunset Strip.Sort of a college reunion.”Snickering, he continued, “I had already been to one of Dick Jansen’s clubs out here in Vegas, so I wasn’t completely new to the idea, but this was on a whole other level.People were doing things right out in public, and they were completely unashamed.I could hardly believe it,” he confessed.“There I was, still getting lectured every week by my mother for not going to church, and I was watching people fuck out in the open.Two, three, sometimes five people all going at it at once.I’ll never forget the exhilaration.”He sounded like he was recounting one of his fondest memories.
“So we sort of split up,” he continued, playing with the water bottle, peeling away the label while pacing in front of me.“Because who wants to hang out with their guys in a place like that?We were all looking for fun.My head was spinning, watching everybody doing things I only ever watched in porn.But it was right in front of me, so real, so vivid.Dick’s club was more like mine.There was fun out in the open, but the hardcore action was reserved for private rooms.I thought I’d found paradise.”
His voice changed, going deeper and quieter.“And then I found a room where a girl was being tortured the way I just tortured you.Orgasm denial, you know.She was sort of hanging from shackles coming down from the ceiling, and she was exhausted.Her legs were buckling, and they were covered in bruises.Some were older, some new, some she probably got that night.People were wandering in and out, watching these two guys in black hoods doing things to her.”
His lip curled in disgust.“They were shoving things inside her, front and back, using a cattle prod to zap different parts of her.”
“Jesus,” I croaked.
“And she was sweating… her hair was getting stuck to her neck.”There was revulsion in his voice, not that I could blame him.“Mascara was running down her face.She was sobbing… when she wasn’t screaming.”
He shook his head with another sigh, sitting on the bed.“I know some people get off on that.It’s an act, making a girl cry, all that shit.But something about it felt… wrong.It didn’t feel like an act.A few people who came in to watch left looking disgusted.I wasn’t the only one who thought there was something wrong.So finally, I went up front and asked to talk to a manager about what was going on back there.It bothered me so fucking much that that girl was crying so hard, and they were only hitting her harder.”
“And that’s the difference,” he added, turning slightly to face me.“They weren’t striking her.They were hitting her.I’ve learned over the years that the intention is to hurt, not to harm.The girl was going to be harmed if she hadn’t already been.I couldn’t let it go on.”
“So what happened?Did you ever get to talk to a manager or anybody?”
When he snorted, he told me everything I needed to know.“I was informed that some people paid a lot of money to live out their desires.That everyone was an adult, and the girl could stop them at any time.I told them she was gagged andcouldn’tuse a safe word.That was when somebody finally went back and put a stop to it.There was all this activity.I was at the front desk when somebody working up there called an ambulance, but they did it quietly so nobody would know.I waited around until they put the girl inside.”
He hung his head.I felt his pain for this girl he didn’t know, and my heart went out to her on the strength of his reaction.“She couldn’t walk.One of the paramedics had to carry her.On the way out, I swear to God, we locked eyes.She looked haunted.The thousand-yard stare, you know?That was what she looked like.And I told myself then and there if I ever had a club like that, nobody would ever end up the way she had.”
I could barely catch my breath, but he kept going, his dark eyes shining as they searched my face for understanding.“I told you I was in this business for the money,” he reminded me, going back to the first conversation we had at the restaurant, the night we found each other again.“That’s true.But I want to do it right too.I want people to be safe.It could sound corny, and it probably does.But it’s the truth.”
And I thought I knew him so well.I wouldn’t have guessed he would be so deeply affected by something like that, though from what he described, I didn’t want to imagine what it would have done to me if I’d been there.
“I don’t want to ever put you in a position like that.It’s easy to lose control sometimes, to want to take things too far.”He lowered his gaze, setting the bottle on the floor before folding his hands in his lap.“There’s a reason I stuck to observing for a long time, you know.Why I don’t play in other clubs I visit to scope out the competition.Maybe I didn’t trust myself.Maybe I couldn’t stop thinking about that girl, how it must have felt, going through the pain and humiliation with people watching.Nobody was helping her.”The faint dismay in his words was heartbreaking.
“In case you’re ever wondering,” I whispered when he fell silent.“You’ve never put me in that kind of position while we’re doing this.I know you don’t have it in you,” I concluded.He had his share of faults, but he wasn’t a sadist.
I took his face in my hands, noting the faint chafing around my wrists.It would fade by the end of the day.The cuffs were lined with fur to make them more comfortable.For now, though, they were a reminder of what we had just done and everything I got out of it.“To be honest with you, I can’t imagine feeling comfortable doing that with anybody but you.”
He turned his head, pressing his lips to my palm.“Thank you.I’m glad to hear you say that.”
Now, I remembered why I fell in love with him, why I fell so deeply.Under the layers of disguises he wore for the world’s sake, there was a man with a huge heart.He could conceal it all he wanted.He could be brash, talk about money and success, and act like they were all that mattered.I always suspected there was more to him.He just didn’t want to admit it.
Now he felt safe opening up, which was like I felt safe sinking to my knees in front of him.“Let me take care of you now,” I whispered, running my hands up his bare thighs and pressing my fingers against his muscles.It was such a satisfying feeling.“You wore me out before you could have any for yourself.”
He only shook his head, wearing a faint smile.“Later, maybe.You can do something else for me, though.”Sliding farther back along the bed, he beckoned with one hand for me to join him as he stretched out with his head on a thick, soft pillow.
He was right.This was better, and not only because I’d need a nap to refresh myself before work later on.He needed to have me close with these ugly memories running through his head.
I crawled across the bed and stretched out next to him, my back to his warm, solid chest.His arms slid around me and pulled me close, his breath pleasant against the back of my neck.“Thank you,” he whispered while the tension drained from his body.
This was different—deeper than what we had shared until now, more real, more raw.We couldn’t pretend after tonight that we were only fucking around, not after he’d opened up like that.When I searched my feelings, I understood it didn’t bother me.
Just the opposite.
As it turned out, there was a pleasure that went beyond the physical.The pleasure of knowing he trusted me enough to share something I had the feeling he hadn’t told anyone else.He knew it would never go any further than the two of us.
