Page 99 of Fear of Love
“You’re fucking kidding me right?” The voice that came out of my mouth made him and Becca flinch. “You think I’d want to meet and ‘catch up?’” The laugh that left my throat was anything but humorous. “Not a chance in hell.”
“Wha—” Becca tried to say, as if she was going to jump in and defend her boyfriend.
“You are the biggest piece of shit I’ve ever met, Jared. You really think after six years you can come up to me and act like you didn’t do what you did?” The words poured out of my mouth. “Nice to see Cass finally came to her senses and left you. If I were you,” I turned to Becca, “I’d get as far away from him as you can.”
I gave Jared one last look, scrunching my nose up at the fact I used to think he was the most attractive guy on the planet.
“Fuck you.” Not bothering to waste my breath on him, I turned on my heel and headed for Landon’s truck, leaving the couple staring after me in silence. The only reason I knew Landon was following me was because the truck unlocked seconds before I ripped the door open and climbed inside. I didn’t bother waiting for him to help me in as I slammed it shut.
My entire body shook as Landon got in and started the engine. From the corner of my eye, I could see his mouth opening and closing as he tried to say something but thought better of it. Good, cause I didn’t trust what would come out of my mouth.
He pulled away from the restaurant and headed back toward my apartment without a word. I sat there, replaying what just happened. How my perfectly good night was ruined by a piece of shit from my past.
All I could feel was outrage. Later it would hit me that I ran into the man I spent a good chunk of my twenties with, but all I could focus on was that anger brewing inside of me at his request to meet up.
The elevator ride was as silent as the drive to my apartment. Landon left me to my thoughts, but I could feel the confusion coming off of him. Questions no doubt on the tip of his tongue.
As soon as I stepped into my apartment, I threw my purse on the counter, body vibrating and hands shaking.
“Lyd.” Landon spoke for the first time since we left the restaurant. I shook my head as I started to pace the length of my living room. Moving was the only way I could start to ease the fury inside of me. “Lydia, what the hell just happened?”
“Nothing,” I snapped. I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“Clearly, it was something. Who was that guy?”
“He’s a piece of shit. He’s nobody.”
“Lydia, stop and look at me.” The tension in his voice was impossible to ignore, and I forced myself to stop pacing and meet his eyes. “What’s going on?”
I bit down hard, my teeth grinding together. I needed to tell him. I couldn’t put it off any longer. Running into Jared destroyed my chance of avoiding it. When I stayed quiet for too long, Landon offered a small knowing nod.
“He’s your ex, isn’t he?” My eyes met his. “Not hard to figure out with how you’re acting and what you said to him.”
“He is,” I said, my voice rough and tight with anger.
“What did he do?” I knew I had to tell him, but I couldn’t get my mouth to open and say it. I’ve never told a single person what happened with Jared six years ago, not even the girls. Landon deserved to know, especially after witnessing what he just did.
“It’s…”
“Lydia, you can tell me.” Landon stepped toward me, eyes roaming my face. “You can tell me. You know I’ll never judge you for your past.”
“I know, it’s just… It’s not that easy.” I shook my head. I didn’t know how to tell him. I spent the last six years shoving it all down, not wanting to think about it for even a second. I got so good at ignoring it.
Seeing Jared made it feel like everything around me was caving in. I never wanted to see him again, but there he was, at the same place Landon and I were, looking at me like nothing happened. Like he wasn’t the one who broke me.
“Lydia.” Landon cupped the sides of my face. “You’re holding back, just say it. We can fix whatever it is together.” His pleading tone made tears leak out of my eyes.
God, I wanted to. I wanted to tell him, to let him in. To make it so I wasn’t alone anymore.
“It’s… complicated. You wouldn’t understand,” I finally managed to say. The moment those words left my mouth, I knewthey were the wrong ones. I watched as Landon’s expression hardened, and the walls around him slammed into place.
“So I open up about my messed up, ex but the moment I ask about yours, you shut down? It’s fine for you to dig into my past, but yours is off-limits?”
“That’s not?—”
“That’s what it seems like, Lydia. You want to know everything about me, but I get to know nothing about you.” His face was etched with frustration as he stared me down. “I know something happened to make you this way. Why won’t you just tell me?” He made it sound so easy but it wasn’t. The past was painful. There was a reason I never talked about it . There was a reason I didn’t let myself get close to others.
“I can’t… I…” My brain was shouting at me to tell him. To just say it, but that fear of him leaving was all too real. I’d lose yet another person I fell for. It was like seeing Jared made my body switch to self-preservation mode.
