Page 63 of The Problem with Falling
“It was an accident.”
“Yes,” she agreed, “but two people lost their lives that night because of me, and one lost the idea of what she thought her life would become.”
I shook my head. “The other truck was drunk driving. You didn’t cause the accident.”
“But if I wasn’t there…if I didn’t go to the party in the first place, if I had left earlier when Anna asked to go…” Tears rolled down her cheeks, and with every tear that fell, my cold, frozen heart began to defrost. And then, it began to break for the girl who carried so much blame in her chest. “And I killed my mom, and I, I…” She sobbed again, and I held her. I wanted to repeatedly tell her that none of what happened was her fault. I wanted to explain to her that sometimes shitty things happened in life that were so far out of our control. I wanted to use logic to convince her that her deepest, darkest thoughts were falsities feeding her brain lies.
But that wasn’t what she needed at that very moment.
Sometimes people didn’t need logic. Sometimes they just needed to be held.
“Gosh, I don’t know what it is about you. Ever since you told me that you could see through my mask, I’ve felt super emotional and odd knowing that you could see the real me.”
A pocket of guilt hit my stomach. “I didn’t see you,” I confessed.
She looked up at me, confusion swirling in her eyes. “What?”
“I…didn’t actually know you were faking. I was just saying all types of bullshit to push you away.”
“But why?”
“Because, like I said earlier…you reminded me of someone I once knew.”
“Who?”
I lowered my head slightly, pulling away from her, unable to hold my eye contact. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to relive my own past hurt, but the way Willow was so open with her scars made me slightly want to do the same for her.
Besides, she deserved to know my truths, the same way she told me hers.
“Thalia,” I said. “Jensen’s mother.”
“How did I remind you of her?”
“She was just like you. She was a light in a dark world. She was…good. In many ways. In many shapes. In many styles. She was good for the most part.”
“And you think I’m good?”
“No, Willow. I know you’re good.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because you think you’re not.”
She smiled, but it was a sad smile. The kind that broke my fucked-up heart.
I cleared my throat and stared out at the night’s sky. “Thalia was my best friend. My only friend. When I was young, mostpeople bullied me. She didn’t. The first day I met her, she was so extremely kind to me, and I didn’t know why. I thought at first she was faking it to play a big prank on me down the line. People had done that before. But…she didn’t. She just…was good to me. She was good to everyone. And happy. So happy. She walked around as if the sun was always beaming. She didn’t even believe in bad people because she thought most of them weren’t bad on purpose. She was…good.”
“She was your clementine.”
I arched an eyebrow. “My what?”
“Your clementine. The type of person who is just filled with light and joy. That was Anna to me before I ruined her life.”
I didn’t reply. I wasn’t certain exactly if Thalia was my clementine or not, but the concept was intriguing.
“Willow?”
“Yes?”
