Page 119 of The Problem with Falling
It sounded idiotic, but it was true.
She lowered her eyebrows. “I’m sorry, this all just feels very random.” She turned her stare from me and glanced toward her window. “It’s been years.”
“I know.” I nodded. My heart pounded against my chest. “But I’ve thought about you every single day for all these years and—”
“You left,” she blurted out. When she turned back toward me, her eyes flashed with a heaviness that almost broke my heart. “Years ago. You left me and Honey Creek and never looked back, Willow. When you did visit your family, you never attempted to see me. So why now?”
“That’s not true,” I urged, shaking my head. “I tried to see you repeatedly.”
“No, you didn’t.” She smiled, but it felt so heartbreakingly sad. “I was in the hospital for months after the accident, Willow.”
“I know. I was there every day.”
She shook her head. “No. You weren’t.”
Her words perplexed me. Why would she say that? I sat in that hospital waiting room for days, weeks on end, waiting to see her. Waiting to hear that she was all right. Waiting for a chance to apologize for everything I’d done.
“Anna… I was there. I waited in the waiting room all day and night for months.”
Her eyes narrowed with confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“I was there,” I expressed, placing my hands against my chest, over my heart that pounded a million miles per hour. Tears flooded my stare. “I wanted nothing more than to talk to you. To make sure you were all right. To be there for you. But your mom would come out into the waiting room and tell me that it wasn’t a good day. That’s what she said at first. Then it was how you refused to see me. Then how you wanted nothing to do with me because I ruined your life.”
Anna’s eyes flashed with realization. “What? My mom said that?”
I sniffled and placed my hands in my lap. “Yeah. So after some time, she convinced me that my existence in your lifewas a burden to you. And that I’d already stolen so much from your life, from your future, that it would be best if I stayed away. That’s why I left Honey Creek. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore.”
“What? No… Willow…” She shook her head, and tears fell from her eyes. The moment her teardrops kissed her cheeks, my own fell, too. She sniffled and continued shaking her head. “She told me you left without a word. She said you never showed up and that I should just move on. So that’s what I did. Why would she do that? Why would she…?” Anna looked away and shut her eyes as she tried to gather her emotions. When she looked back at me, her brown eyes were soaked with pain. “You were my best friend. I needed you back then. You were my person.”
“And you were mine, Anna. I just thought… I mean, the accident… I caused it to happen, and your mom made it clear how it was so unfair how I stole so much of your life from you and—”
“Stole my life from me?” she asked, baffled. “What do you mean?”
“Your dreams, Anna. You had dreams of so much, and I took that from you.”
“No offense, Willow, but you don’t have that power over my life. And you weren’t the drunk drivers that night. Carter and Eric were. They hitus, not the other way around. It wasn’t your fault.”
It wasn’t your fault.
How could she say that?
How could she say it wasn’t my fault?
“But I…” My mind tried to make sense of the words she was saying. I’d spent the past years blaming myself. So I had a million thoughts in my head, screaming the complete opposite of what Anna was telling me. “If we hadn’t gone to the party thatnight, you would’ve never been in that situation. And I spilled the water, and well, I—”
“Oh my gosh,” she murmured. Anna moved in closer to me. Her voice was a whisper. “Have you been blaming yourself all these years? You think you ruined my life?”
I sniffled and brushed the back of my hand beneath my nose. “Yes.”
Anna placed a hand on my knee. “Willow… I didn’t know why you left. I knew nothing of what my mom was telling you.”
“I’d been updating her for years. Telling her when I was coming into town so she could make sure we didn’t cross paths. She said it would be too triggering for you. So that’s why I stayed away for so long. I didn’t want to hurt you more than I already had.”
Anna’s shoulders slumped. “My mom can be well…you know,” she grumbled and rubbed her hand over her face, “controlling.”
I did remember that quite well.
“But… I never blamed you. Did it suck for a long time? Yeah. But did it suck because of you? No. If anything, the part that sucked the most was not having you by my side through it all.”
