Page 116 of The Problem with Falling
He held up a piece of paper. “I read your letter.”
“Oh, I…”
He unfolded it and read. “Thank you for a lovely summer, signed Willow.” He tossed his hand up in frustration. “What the hell was that, Willow? ‘Thank you for a lovely summer’? That’s it? That’s all you could come up with?”
I bit my lip and shook my head. “I didn’t know what to—”
“I was wrong about you. You’re not my clementine,” he coldly stated as he stood on the front porch. Those words only took a second to feel like a punch to my gut. But he continued, his eyes simmering with irritation. “You’re a damn hummingbird. A hyper, nonstop, dizzying hummingbird that crashed into my life uninvited. You talk a mile a minute as if the world would end if you didn’t keep yapping. You move around on your tiptoes as if you’re scared the solid ground is hot lava. You buzzed into my life, and then you buzzed out of my life, like a goddamn hummingbird. And it’s been fucking infuriating watching you dart around like nothing can catch you. Like you’re untouchable, and then you have enough nerve to buzz around my fucking heart nonstop yet never really landing.”
“Theo, I—”
“Wait. I’m not done,” he said, cutting me off. He paused, glanced at the porch, raked a hand through his hair, and thensighed. “Do you know what you’ve done to me? Do you know how much you buzzing in and buzzing out fucked with my head? It drove me mad thinking about you these past few weeks. I drove down here livid for the past five hours, too. You pissed me off, Willow, but I can’t truly be mad because I know you.”
My eyes started to water. I shook my head. “No, you think you know me, but—”
“I know you,” he repeated. He stepped closer. My heart beat faster. “I know you like your eggs scrambled, but you’ll say over easy because you know that’s how I like mine. I know you cry over the same rom-coms every single time even though you know how they end. I know you feel everything—and I meaneverything—fifty million times more than anyone else on this planet. I know you smile when you want to cry. I know you cry when you want to scream. I know you chuckle when your heart is breaking.”
I let out a small laugh.
My heart was breaking.
Theo stepped closer, his eyes still on me. “I know the different shades of brown that your eyes turn based on how the sunlight hits them. I know the freckles running across your cheeks. I know the birthmark shaped like an apple on your behind.” He released a breath slowly, and I inhaled it as my own. “I know you’re scared. Of me. Of us. Of everything. I know you run away when you really want to stay. And let me be very damn clear—I know you really fucking wanted to stay with me. But I also know that you aren’t meant to stand still. And I know you’re not meant to be caged or rooted in one place, but the truth is you’ve been stuck in the cage of your mind and guilt for decades. You’ve been buzzing around with chains attached to your wings, pretending you’ve been free. That’s not what I want for you, Willow. I want you to be really free to fly like you’re meant to. You’re meant for higher heights.”
Tears flooded my eyes as he continued to talk.
“And I might not always understand hummingbirds. I might not get why you buzz and need to move nonstop, but I respect it. I love it, even. I think that’s what makes you…you. The real you, I mean, not the one chained to grief. But I see sparks of your true self. Your true self is alive in a way I’ll never be. Your true self is what lights up this world. We’re different, you and I, but I think that’s why we make sense. I might not be built to flit around and chase the wind, but I’m built to stay. To stand still. To be rooted and sturdy.”
He stepped in closer, and his voice softened. “So I drove five hours to let you know that I’m still here waiting patiently, hoping that you keep buzzing around for the rest of forever. Keep being exactly who you are because that’s all I’d ever want you to be.” He locked his eyes with mine, and a tiny smirk curved his lips. “And when you get tired, or when the world gets too big and feels overwhelming—I’ll be right here. No matter how far you fly, I’ll always be a safe place for you to land.”
I couldn’t produce words. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I closed my eyes to breathe. I felt Theo’s lips fall against my forehead before he whispered that he loved me.
I pulled away from him, almost unsure of the words he said. “What did you say?”
“I said I love you,” he stated as clear as day.
“You love me?”
“Yes.” He nodded. “Most ardently.”
Those words felt as if they’d come from Mr. Darcy’s mouth himself.
He then stepped away and started to walk back down the porch steps.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Back home. I just came to deliver you that message.”
“You drove five hours to tell me that, only to drive five hours back?”
“Yes.”
He didn’t even know it, but he was healing parts of my heart he never even broke.
“Theo?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you, too.”
