Page 110 of The Problem with Falling
Anna did. She was the most deserving person when it came to love. And as long as she didn’t have it, I should’ve been suffering, too.
CHAPTER 39
Theo
Ever since Willow left, life seemed different.
Overall, nothing had changed. I still fished. I still read. I still sold goods at the farmers’ market. Everything was the same as before she came into my life, but at the same time, it wasn’t. What used to bring me peace, my solitude, now only brought me loneliness.
It had been such a long time since I’d been lonely.
Decades, even.
But now, the other side of my bed felt cold. My boat seemed empty. My heart? Well, fuck that organ. Its brokenness did the most damage to me.
I kept moving through each day as if I wasn’t bothered, though. The more time that passed, the more I began to forget she’d ever existed to me. I wanted to erase every single memory of her from my mind, too. Her smile. Her laugh. The way she walked on her tiptoes. The way she talked too much, but at thesame time, I couldn’t get enough of her words. Her eyes. Her nose. Her spirit.
I wanted all traces of her to be diminished from my existence. I wanted her gone.
Until then, I tried my best to return to my routine.
“Seven dollars,”Julia Ripton remarked, holding her hands to her chest as if I’d told her that her dog had died in a tragic accident. “There’s no way you upped the cost since the last time I came!”
I blinked blankly at Julia. “I didn’t raise the prices.”
“No, you did. I swear I paid less just last month. I swear, you’re trying to rip off your customers, Theo Langford. This is highway robbery,” she expressed. The same way she’d expressed it every damn week when she showed up in line.
“Take it or leave it,” I muttered. I grew annoyed a lot easier than I had in the past. It felt as if the universe was out to piss me off.
As I stared at Julia yapping about bullshit I didn’t care about, I couldn’t help but wonder why in the hell I was thinking about Willow and how she would’ve handled Julia’s complaints.
Somehow, she would’ve made Julia laugh. Or somehow had Julia buy the whole table of sourdough.
Julia kept yapping, and my irritation kept building until I pushed over the display of sourdough. “Here!” I shouted, tossing my hands up in defeat. “Just take it for free, all right. I don’t give a shit.”
Julia placed her hand against her chest, flabbergasted by my outburst. “Theo Langford! That’s no way to act in public. Especially toward a woman. What would your grandfather think?”
Those words stung, but I tried my best to swallow them down.
He would’ve been disappointed, but what did that matter? He was no longer around to scold me. Instead, I was forced to walk through each day without his guiding light.
I was certain my outburst would get back to Grandma, though, so I had that to look forward to later on.
Busy,busy, I need to stay busy.
My mind was the loudest it had been in years. It was as if I couldn’t find peace no matter where I went. The memory of Willow haunted me, day in and day out. I’d see things that she’d like, and I’d want to tell her. I’d smell things that reminded me of her perfume. I’d touch things and want her input.
I missed her. I missed her so much, and I hated myself for doing so. I wished I knew how to turn it off. How to stop missing the person who’d walked away so easily.
I stood in my backyard, chopping wood. I wanted to get it all stacked up in my shed before winter came. I could feel the cold front pushing through the trees. I should’ve already packed up my boat and stored it, but I’d hoped for a few more days out on the water before I was forced to take a break from fishing until it was time to do so on the ice in January.
“You need some help with that? Or are you getting out some pent-up energy?” Grandma asked, walking over toward me.
I wiped my brown plaid shirt against my sweaty forehead as I turned to see her. She was wearing one of PaPa’s oversized jackets, and for some reason, that tugged at my beat-up heart. I turned back to the piece of wood sitting on the chopping block, wound up the axe, and split the wood in half. Afterward, I stuck the axe into the chopping block, then wiped my hands against my jeans.
“Just finishing up. What’s up?” I asked as I picked up the chopped pieces of wood. I tossed them into the shed before turning back to Grandma.
She pulled out a piece of paper and held it up. “Did Willow leave you a letter, too?”
