Page 51 of Ever Dark Academy: Vol. 3
His expression had been open and hopeful. Grayson’s heart had soared at it. He decided not to force it down, but to accept the joy he felt. He reached out and laced their fingers together.
“I expect to be courted expertly,” Grayson told him.
“Oh?” Ryder’s lips twitched into a smile.
“Oh, yes. As we’ve both done it many times before, you need to wow me,” Grayson teased.
“Weryn sired many. I’ve sired none,” Ryder reminded him gently. “And Lawson wasn’t exactly a role model in the Master department.”
“You have a Master’s soul.” Grayson pressed up against Ryder’s side. “And a romantic. I am certain that–even without your memories as Weryn–you will be up to the task of courting me.”
They’d reached the steps of the dorm. They turned towards one another. Their hands linked. Both of them were reluctant to leave the other.
“Be safe tonight. I will be nearby at all times,” Ryder began.
“I’m not the target,” Grayson reminded him.
“You are a student and a student is the target.” Ryder was frowning rather adorably. “And they are already going after you by using your mother.”
Grayson’s mouth tightened at the mention of his mother. He didn’t blurt out that she wasn’t his mother. Ryder knew the distinction, but clearly wasn’t buying it. He wasn’t completely either. But he didn’t need this emotional complication now.
“Yes, and that rather loses its punch if I’m dead, I would imagine,” Grayson pointed out. “Right now I’m everything wrong about this selection process to become a student. Or maybe everything right.”
“You mean that, of course, Vampires are looking for killers?” Ryder guessed and shook his head in disgust. “If they had any idea what kind of control it takes not to kill someone you’re feeding from, they would understand why we absolutely cannot take in people who view life as anything but sacred.”
“The War Children. Is that how you chose them? If they were killers?” Grayson asked quietly and tentatively. “It’s hard to imagine Siban like that, but–”
“I don’t remember much about Siban, but knowing my general,” here Ryder gestured to his head as if it contained the soul and essence of Weryn there, “feeling is that I chose those for whom life mattered very little. More than that, I chose those who wished to kill. Who enjoyed it.”
Grayson suppressed a shiver. “It is quite understandable and wise.”
“Wise?” Ryder’s eyes widened. “You cannot mean that. It is sacred to bring a Childe into our world! I perverted that to its very core by what I did!”
Grayson let out a slow breath. “You wanted to win. You needed to defeat Kaly. They were not an easy foe. And that very sacredness of the every Childe you’d already created meant you did not want to send those you loved to their Second Deaths.”
“But instead I created creatures like Legion to go to his,” Ryder’s voice sounded dead. “Yes, I did that. I purposely withheld anything from them but a purpose to kill for me. Bring me back bloody trophies. Who could kill the most would get the most attention and affection.”
“You motivated them by using the Master-Childe bond.” Grayson nodded. “Again, eminently logical. You chose Children that would not move your heart too much.”
“Siban does,” Ryder corrected him. “They are precious to me. I feel like a fraud trying to be anything to them but a friend though. All these Vampires have come to me and I feel nothing for them. I cannot connect. And here I would even pretend to be your Master? I don’t know.”
Grayson bit his lower lip. “Balthazar said what he did to you to keep your Weryn memories at bay was merely to give you more time to accept them, Ryder. You will remember. You will feel things again. Many things. Your openness with me is not a fluke. It is not an aberration. I remember you.”
Ryder’s eyes lifted to his. “You do.”
It was not stated like a question, but Grayson still nodded. “I do. And there is nothing in how you are portraying yourself to me that feels false. So maybe the great gulf you both fear and hope is not truly there between who you were and who you are.”
Ryder studied him. “And what of you, Grayson?”
“What of me?” Grayson shrugged and couldn’t quite meet Ryder’s eyes again.
“You are pushing back so hard against anything in your life as Grayson, rejecting it, yet there is nothing that I’m seeing or experiencing that tells me you aren’t Ashyr,” Ryder said. “I hear Weryn in my head sometimes. Making comments.”
Grayson’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “R-really?”
“Yes, and while he doesn’t seem to recognize the other Immortals, he recognizes you,” Ryder said. “So your personality as Grayson isn’t so far from what it was as Ashyr. Not as far as you want to make it.”
Grayson grimaced. “I know what you are doing.”
