Page 6 of Nine Inch Nasty
Time to find myself a minion.
“Hey! You! Come here. The son of Lucifer needs you to do his bidding!”
???
When I pop back into the room with my lovely mate, I make the mistake of angling my body to look out the window, freaking out when I catch sight of the terrifyingly bright sight that greets me.
Once I catch my breath, I pass over the bags for Delaney to look through, ensuring I got everything we need before we can start our plan.
“You sure you’re okay with me coming over to your apartment?” Delaney asks Saladriel, who rolls his eyes.
“I’ve literally lived with you for weeks. Coming to my place is hardly an issue. It’s just not that big because we prefer things to be slightly uncomfortable.”
Might as well seize the opportunity. “Big enough for me, too? Dad asked me to take some measurements for…something. I would also feel better being around to protect Delaney in case some unknown threat became present.”
Saladriel waves me off. “That’s fine. Just…don’t make eye contact with any neighbors, okay? Trust me.”
And so, I find myself traipsing across the sickly bright kingdom once more, keeping Delaney close to me in case I need to take down any enemies. Don’t know who they are here, so we can’t be too careful.
I see Delaney and Saladriel up to his tiny apartment and then canvas the outside of it for threats before going to take care of Dad’s mission.
I saw something nightmare inducing that I mentioned to him when I stopped by his place, and he begged for the dimensions so he could recreate it.
So here I am, sketching out a rendition of the Glittertopia Happymaker™.
I know what you’re thinking; why doesn’t Fairygoddess simply place her unicorns into the Happymaker™ to fix her realm?
The thing is, the goddess clearly doesn’t understand the emotion properly, because all the machine does is hold your body completely still while youthis is a trade secret and has been redacted from this document to ensure trademark compliance. Any attempt to de-classify these words will result in many unpleasant occurrences that I am not legally able to discuss at this moment in time.
So you see? It really is perfect for Hell.
I figure I’ve been gone long enough at this point, and my Delaney stores are running quite low, so I make my way back up to Saladriel’s place, being sure to look like a total jackass as I avert my eyes from every single one of his neighbors that I come across. I can totally follow directions.
The thing is…well, I’ll just describe the scene I walk in on, shall I? I’ve even included a dialogue.
Scene: Saladriel’s tiny ass kitchen
Characters: Saladriel, a.k.a. Salad, and Delaney, a.k.a. my thicc goddess
Flour coats every single surface that I can see, but this isn't what catches me most off guard. That award goes to the distinct scent of unicorn splooge. Delaney seems to be role-playing with a long rainbow wig and mittens that look like hooves and even has a rainbow horse tail tied around her waist that flows between her luscious cheeks. Saladriel is in his human form, sitting on one end of the couch reading a newspaper, but Delaney is in mid-prance when I open the door, and he immediately starts tearing off pieces of the newspaper and stuffing them into his mouth.
The reason for this has not been discovered yet.
Delaney: You’re, uh, back early... [Nervous laughter]
Saladriel: It's not my jizz, I promise!
Me: That's honestly more alarming.
Delaney [creeping closer to Saladriel as if approaching a startled animal]: Saladriel, it's okay. He's not going to judge you [Flashes me a dirty look that promises awful things if I do].
Me: I'm not even capable of judgment, dude. To me, everything's just a lark.
Saladriel: I don't think you used that word correctly.
Delaney stares at him, waiting. Eventually I've actually forgotten what we're waiting for, but then he breaks. He spits out the wet paper in his mouth and wraps it up in the paper in his hand, throws it over his shoulder and miraculously makes it into a wastepaper bin. Neat.
Saladriel: I'm going to be shunned by my community for this, you know that, right?
